Joy & Lost/ Next step?

I am having the oral defense tomorrow morning. Feel a bit panic right now. Try to remember everything in the text and prepare things for tomorrow.
Reviewing every approach I used, the connection between the text and the application, the supportive arguments...........
I am happy and sad at the same time. I am happy because the whole thesis thing is finally coming to the end. The sad part is about the unknown future I am heading. I want to try something new. Perhaps still teaching English, but somewhere new. Or I guess, it wouldn't feel so bad to work a year or two as an OL. I really need some time to think over of what I really feel intereted in, besides being a student in shcool.
What I like.......
What I don't like......


Phantom Call

It may happen to everyone to receive the phantom call once in a while.
I am not sure if it is appropriate to call 'it' the phantom call. But the situation is like this, you pick up a phone call, either the call is unidentified or the number is blocked, the caller hangs up right after you answer it. It annoys people, particular me !
I don't know how people react to this, but if you were once harrassed by this sort of calls. You don't feel that it's easy to get over the unpleasant feeling.
I was once harrassed by the phantom calls, the time lasted for on and off, like....4 years.
The worst time, I would receive it almost every day. Of course, I knew who was the caller and tried many different methods to stop that. . The thing that confused me the most and never abled to get the answer was, What was the purpose? Was it fun? Or just to make sure I was still alive?
It bothered me for so long that left a shadow on me, and nowaday, I screen every call carefully.
The reason why I want to talk about this is because, after 2 years without answering this sort of call, I received the 'phantom call' again this afternoon. This time the number wasn't blocked, I called right back to see who the person was because the number look familiar and it wasn't in my caller list. Every time I change a new cell, I would re-arrange all the names in my phonebook, so I didn't want it to be one of my friends called and I missed it. However, the call transfered right to the voice mail box when I tried to reach. I told myself not to think too much but it seemed hauting me and bringing back the bad memory of me. The annoying phantom call~~~


How real could a dream be?

How Real Could a Dream be?
Loneliness replaced with wonders you bring
An aerial feeling lasts for the craving sustains
Lips, Arms and Warming hands
Are you the target from thousands potentials to be?
If only a string is attached and lead me to thee.
Alas ! I'm still in dream and the bell hasn't ring.
How real could a dream be if the dream foresee?


How dangerous is an open heart?

Something happened to me today made me to think about what 'friendship' really is? It is easy to meet somebody, be someone's friend and have fun with the person. But, it seems hard to maintain friendship when something come up and you and your friend can't see the thing the same way. Or is it because of me? Sometimes I got betrayed, sometimes I ditch others (I never betray my friends, but I ditch some because the communication didn't work) But I think, that is something about making friends, right? Friends come and go, it is ok, because you will always meet someone new in the future, in different periods of time due to different reasons, out of different interests you share. Of course, I have a few close friends that I know for a long long time, but not so many though. Why should I care so much? Why can't I care less? Yes...because we are human not animals, of course~~~



I am so happy that I've finally handed in my thesis. Thinking for the past three months, I sacrificed all the entertainment for life. I know it sounds silly, but I just can't focus on others if I am preoccupied. I'm very surprised of myself being able to suffer all these, staying home on the weekends thinking and reading. Gave up my favorite DVD time, shopping time and family time. I guess, I really care about getting my degree. Normally, for graduate programs, it takes about 2 years to finish, but the literature in my school takes 3 years. Two years for the courses and one year for the thesis conducting. (most of the students take more than a year to write their thesis. I think, it is because of the language, not easy to write in a second language)
How did I live by the past three years? Studying and working the same time, move three times in 2 years and got really sick a few times and car accident one time. Ah~~~~~well..it'll be all worth it soon. After I defend myself in Oral defense.
I really enjoy reading books, attending classes, knowing new ideas and theories.
But how long will I be able to contiue doing this?
The expectation for women in Taiwan is to get a steady job and get married. Women who desire to study PH.D usually end up sacrifice their love lives and marriage? Will I end up like that? Looking old, dressing old and living lonely?
What is more important for one's psyche? What is the better fulfillment for women? If I couldn't study further, I don't think I would give up making myself a smarter person in soul.