A Complex Day

It's a complex day, not because things were complicated but my feeling for the day was sort of with many feelings in it!

Very early this morning, I got a secret somehow with a dream that gave me a sign beforehand.
The secret turned out to be something that left me with puzzlement, feelings of uncertainty and ambiguity, but also some kind of excitement.

This happens to me a lots, which was, I always dream about something that would foretell the thing happen the next day or some days later. Of course, when I had the dream, even though I remembered the things or objects in it. I would never know what's gonna happen. However, I would prepare myself with cautious attitude and act more carefully! The dream was just giving me a sign of the main object, as to the scenario in the dream would always seem a bit irrelavent and making no sense at all.

Anyway, my mind was circling with that secret all day long! And had no outlet to realease my feeling. Because it is a SECRET~~~

Continue, the final settlement was certain for our CEO. She resigned from her position with everyone's expectation. A new team, including me, will take things over and help running this on-the-edge company.
Though, we grasp our chance, reported her, sent her away. I feel a bit sorry for her.
We knew well enough, she made her own bed to suffer all this. Still......I feel sorry for her.

The new-coming job worries me! My role will be different! Coworkers will see me differently!
How to carry out my power without affecting the old-happy-time-feeling with coworkers will be the first issue to face.
Tonight, when one coworker knew what I will be! His said this to me, "I am not afraid of you!"
What did that suppose to mean?
I am sure to be in the new team, but I don't know what I will be responsible for. Besides, nobody needs to be afraid of me! I don't bite! I will just do what I will have to do! I won't deny that I'll possibly favor those who get along well with me. So...... "I'm not afraid of you!"

????????? If this cowoker was on my black list, then I would definately take that as intimidating challenge! But....as always..... the flaw in my personality, I am very coward when it comes to the matter relate to people I care for. That's very strange!

Another thing that piled up my complex feeling was------
I finally gave in and broke the ice calling my mom. I don't have too much to say about this part.
Because every family has its own issue! My family has its too.
Acting cool to your own mom wasn't a winning gesture. Besides, I called first!!
I'll have my way to anybody I want to, and stay as cool as I want to be, cruel as I feel like to.
But, my mom is the only one that has the power to turn me into a whirl of turmoil or tornado!
And there is nothing I can do about it~

The one and only blissful thing today was talking to my PIGGY for the first time in about 6 months.
Piggy is my best friend since 13. (I won't say how long we've known each other!)
Why is she called, "Piggy"? Well, I am Piggy, too.
We call each other Piggy since we were kids. Stupid? I don't know!
She moved to States when she was 18. I still remembered how hard I cried! Ha~~~~~
Though, we don't email each other or MSN each other so frequently as the old time. (We are just two grown ups who are busying about our lives!)
But the feeling never change! The feeling that sustains our friendship!
She got married in States in April, I wasn't able to be there to say Congratulations. But........I'm sure, she knows in her heart that I am happy for her with all my heart.
She is in South Carolina. I have one good classmate in Ireland, UK.
Isn't that great! To have friends around the world that might help you with the potential stays in your future journeys. HAHAHA~~~~

You're the happy thing happened to me today, Babe Piggy~


When no body wants you to be the position that you are in!

One of the thing that has occupied some of my time is the affair in the office of where I work.
Since I am the senior consultant in this language center, the affairs that go on in this center has always under my sincere concern. This workingplace has become one of my focus in life for about 4 years or so.

Couldn't remember when, but since I was the rookie, the CEO we have now has been working there. So, basically she has been there as long as I am.
However, she has never been a good leader ever since she took over the job, and has brought the center down to the very bottom with many never-been-able-to-solve problems.

Before, our recent manipulative rebellion started. I've made up my mind to leave this place for other work at the end of the year. So I wouldn't feel too insecure to worry about my living.

But as unpredictable as things always are! Our Personnel department director in the center had reported the situation to the board of directors and asked for the reform to save the center from being closed down. So, here we are, a group of present staff ready to take over the positions for the reformable actions.

Wow~~~ it was never in my plan to be included as a team member.
And it somehow gives me a drifted feeling that seems like floating on a boat with a beautiful image ahead, but no certainty future with success.

I am always a loner in my career. Maybe "Loner" is a harsh word. But, I mean, I am always my own master in my career. I get hourly pay working as a language consultant, only responsible for the clients I face to. I never is a member of a team nor am I a leader in any way.
I really prefer to work alone and be my own master of my performance. (Is it a selfish thinking?)
But, now, the situation has come to a point where I need to provide my opinion no longer as an information collector, but a member in a team who can be creative enough to help getting projects carrying on!
What a great responsibility! And I can't be sure if I had the ability to cooperate as a team member.

Somewhere in my heart, I still preserve the possibility of keeping a backup plan for myself in case the revolutional action might be thrown down with a more powerful force.

It's about Taiwanese business culture which people always have this invisible ranks in their hearts over the values of oneself could be.
A group of us without any powerful related backgrounds, we need a great entrusted power behind us to support us moving ahead.
( Because usually the higher positions holders always give seconds chances to people like them, but people lower than them!)

So, I am afraid, if the board of direcotors gives our CEO a second chance regardless her bad performance that goes on 4 years, then we will be dead very soon!

May God be with us and gives me the power to keep my faith to trust my team and believe in myself to be able to play a helpful role in the team !!!!


Do you celebrate the holiday, if you are not........

Recently I am busy with many things, none of them are about anything academic, for which always have a place in my heart, but never get a chance to get myselft doing it. One thing that got me so excited these days was the Web TV. One of my coworker told us a website where we could go to and watch some channels from US., German and China without paying. Ha~~~~
(You need to pay the Web TV in Taiwan)

As a faithful TV person! I can't deny that I love to watch TV. I just love it so much.
TV or movie are very good ways to learn not just the news and information but also the cultures and politics, especially cultural issues.

I have been watching this web TV like crazy when I didn't have to work.
Last Thursday was the Thanksgiving Day, the whole holiday seemed more like a week thing in the US but a one-day holiday. Every channel was talking about Thanksgiving and the weekend that went with it. They talked about the Black Friday and Shopping fever.

That was crazy, compare to Taiwan. We have this crazily shopping fever goes on once in about 3 months. But the target comsumers will be the women. One time, I wanted to talk about this part on my blog, but then felt too embarrased to mention it. ( I am one of the crazy comsumers somehow, but can't bring myself to admit that)
Seeing the phenomenon in US, I think, what we do here are really no big deal !
How could people get up 5 in the morning to shop?
Why didn't we think of that? Will people be willing to get up so early to go shopping? (NO WAY)
There are always stores open 24 hours or long long hours a day. Why bother?

Anyway, this is totally not relevant to my topic.
Last Thursday, one day eariler than US time. Me and my coworker were sort of celebrating Thanksgiving after work in the office. There was no big dinner with a big big turkey on it! (We are Asians, we love Chickens better)
One of the coworker treated everybody the red wine and some other provided the nice biscuit and snack. We were drinking happily and wished people "Happy Thanksgiving."
But the thing was, we were Taiwanese! Why bother wishing each other that?
In fact, we were just getting together to gossip and the night happened to be Thanksgiving and so....... we just followed the flow to say something that didn't mean anything to us.
What's more was, I never really realized that "Thanksgiving" is US thing. Canadians celebrate theirs in October, but November. The strange thing was, my canadian coworkers still celebrating the holiday with people from the same country! ( I guess, they feel lonely as foreigners in Taiwan and just use the holiday to get together with their country people.)

Taiwanese are like that, too. We celebrate Holloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas. Those are not out holidays, since no-body-knows-when, people stop celebraing many of our country holidays.
We celebrate US holidays. About 2 years ago, people start celebraing St.Patrick Day.
What has that to do with us? That's probably not American holiday, but Canadian!

The only holiday that is ours and we care so much is the Chinese Valentine's Day! Because we celebrate Western holiday as well. People in Taiwan celebrate 2 lover's day a year.
How FRUSTRATED for those who are single??

The possible reason why people stop celebrating our traditional holidays has something to do with Politics. Everything has something to do with politics in Taiwan.
Since we are now governed by a party which wishes Taiwan to be indepedent. Those politicians are trying hard to erase the things that will relate us to China. And for many of our old holidays, they are the serious holiday try to remember some of the great leaders.
It is sad that, some of them were considered the great national heroes in the history books when I was a kid. But now, they are criticized for putting Taiwan in a position that would never able to recover to an international status.

Why I said "sad" was just an expression! It didn't represent my feeling in anyway.
The older I grow, the more I understand, I start to believe that many thought-to-be-true historical reality or facts were in fact a fabricated facts edited by the invisible controler to know how to manipulate the audience.
I forget what theory I read! But I am sure about what I say now.
It is so scary~~~~~~
Nothing from the Media should be trusted by people with entire hearts because the purpose behind the screen contains something beyond our believes.

Well... it's enough for today. I am going back to watch my web TV.
I'll screen the media authenticity myself!


Girls Watch Out

What do you provide?
A comfy love or passionate love?
If you provide a comfy love, you're in a safety net.
If you burn your love with passion, it might lead you to death.


A Smothered Bond

A Smothered Bond
Do not fancey the bliss bond!
For our fate has doomed to become.
I can't make you to meet my needs,
nor can I betray myself to reach your expertise!
Being your colone with a life ahead that leads to a different end.
Two tracks that never run across, though, still believing, one day,
they will run on the same path, on a different time base.
What should I do to continue the lineage
letting myself drown in the illusioned myth?
It's never about a winning game!
But a telephathy that has been diconnected from
the moment
I fought hard for a second chance.
Could the blasphemous love I offend be the doom to the love I try to obtain?


Passing the Bedtime

Thinking of you and following my heart
Calling you "Babe" and falling hard
Mind drifting away with bubbles picturing the lovely buds
Happily wishing, one day, they will blossom large
Let them be red, let them be blue,
let them be whatever color that'll fulfill me full
It's you ! It's you ! It's you !
I'm seeing you in my eyes and seeking myself through you



或許你所問的問題並沒有特別的意思, 但是它卻留下了無限的可能性~~
我因為你無心的一個問題, 激起心中無限的漣漪
希望此漣漪可以波波相連, 變成火花, 燃起你心中的愛~
Let us pray, and may GOD bless us~


Can't Sleep!

How should I know who's the target to be?
Is there a mark? Some sort of coincidence? Or my heart to follow?
From thousands passer-bys,
with endless sparkles that shine, who will be one to lit the fire?
The fire not be the fire that rocks, nor the one that flames hard,
but the fire that'll last forever!
How could I activate the power?
Will two souls draw to each other like Yin and Yang?
Or will they flow naturally into one like a big band river?
Who controls this power of mystique?
Or does it simply act on its own out of the nature's order?
Life is as agnostic as Agnosticism is to be~


Vicky's last Day

Don't know why people change their jobs so often, we've been saying farewell to people every month. Many business change incredibly fast in Taiwan, no one is willing to give her/is job a try to see how far and well it might be developed into! The whole business ecology in Taiwan gives people a great pressure to success in a short time, so it isn't difficult to meet someone who might have been in different fields as a salesperson, but s/he could hardly know the essense of the business s/he was into.
This is Vicky, once, our sales representative. We are both Sagittarius and share a lots in common. Sometimes, I just tell people how I should be less candid and genuine to the new comers because when you started getting close to them, they are about to say "Goodbye."
Of course, that's how life is all about! You carry on your own with your friendship with them survive somehow in other forms. Maybe not as close as before, but definately goes on with the good memories you've built. Also, you will continue your life meeting new people and be their friends.

Tall Vicky is about 5 feet 9. I have to wear 3 inches high heels to get close to her.

She complaint about her round face and thought it would look smaller by pulling her face a bit distance from mine.

This is Miya Jan. A man with a good nature and is very romantic. He bought a bouquet of flowers to Vicky to say good bye to her.

But, a moment slipped away! He has turned into a BIG BAD WOLF~
(Sgebe Miya Jan, dirty Japanese man)
Many behaviors of him could have become a potential harrassement lawsuit in Western culture. Ha~~~
I once threaten to cut his finger off!
Though, I know most of his behaviors are harmless.

Nick Chong and Me.
Born in States, Father is Chinese, Mother's ancestry from Spanish and Phillipine. Nick looks either Chinese nor Phillipino.

I am wondering how people adopt their identities, if their parents are from totally irrelevant cultural backgrounds.
Do they adopt their mothers or fathers?

I think, they should adopt both!
But when I asked Nick the question.
He said, he doesn't have an identity.
He is always like that! Being a thick-faced and making bad jokes about himself.
Sometimes people asked him why he is an American, because their sterotype is Americans are either Black or White.
Nick would say, he is a mutt. I know how unpleasant it sounds and I can't deny sometimes I name him with it. But it is the thing I have with Nick, and he wouldn't take it personally!


Feeling Obligated to But Unable to

I was occupied by different things around me recently that kept me away from spending time on my blog! The primary event was one family issue that still now ongoing. My brother and I were against my mom for the decision she made. Since my mom only has me and my brother, she has no ally to support her and my dad is the issue we were arguing about. But it is too private and so I have no intention to talk about that here.

Also, I am reading an incredibly long novel called, "Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norell by Susanna Clarke." It is a long novel over 1000 pages and is known as one of the best magician books after Harry Potter. The writing style is more like Gothic and Jane Austine. So, I think it might take me forever to finish the book.
I am curious about the story and have made up my mind to find out what it is about!
I love reading stories or knowing stories or even just listening to them. (Perhaps I was destined to be a literature major!) The only flaw of me reading stories is that I never remember the name of the book or the author or even the names of the characters well. But I can definately tell the same story over and over again without missing the great parts. I know~~~
My dad is the one that helps develop my interest over literature (story). Still remember when audio books weren't that many or popular, I was like 3 0r 4. I had many cassettess that told stories. (Please excuse me for blahing away)

You know, that's the thing~
Not posting stuff on my blog makes me feel a bit anxious! That's what commitment is about. Before I opened this blog, I spent a few days considering in every way and asked myself question why I needed a blog in my life. And finally, I gave myself a simple reason: so I could get a place to whine~~Ha~No, actually, I was thinking about using it to practice my English. (Am I?)

Well, commitment... when you commit to something, it would become part of you, either part of your responsiblity or part of your life that needs your nourishment to make it alive.
That's why I always think carefully before commiting to something. Such as, signing a signature; when you sign one, it means you have to responsible for what you do and can't not change your original purpose of doing it!
Or like, attending a course you choose for youself. (I tried not to be too capricious on the attendance, but I skipped tonight!)

Anyway, I'm here typing away, instilling my life on this blog with a little spirit of me.
I got a new hair cut that I've been showing it off to people. But I don't know how to downsize the file of the photos and can't post them on the blog. Last Friday, they held a Holloween Party in the language center where I worked. Those clients and I were like crazy taking pitures around in different wierd poses. Everyone (not me) has a digital camera to practise their skills with. In different angles, settings and postures. Ugly but fun~

While other people are devoting their lives to the academic knowledge or the issues of Politic or Economics or even working hard to make money.
I am the one that wandering around with nothing productive at hand!
A dead woman walking alive!