The turbulence in marriage has arrived earlier than I had expected. I have always been clearly aware of the insecure, awkwardness in the relationship between mother and daughter-in-law. Because of my own relationship with my mother, I've never really looked forward to a closer connection in mother and daughter-in-law. Keeping a decent distance is my strategy!! (It is a fortune that we live 4 hours driving distance away)
Always being polite and applying with courtesy!! (It isn't like talking to your own mother. To your mom, you can reveal the real you without faking anything behind the mask)
Friends who are already in marraiges have suggested me to use husband as the buffer when communicating with mother-in-law. They said, it would defer the direct friction and create a safe zone for the future's sake. So far, I think, I can't agree less with it!
But, to get between wife and mother does make Mr. Huang feel like living in hell. It is easy to corner him to a dead end without realzing it! (though I am clear of this, I can't help but keep doing it in the opposite)
So, it becomes crucial how well a wife can play her role and ,at the same time, get the ways she wants and things she insists on.
Have I become a wife who can manage the skill of a smart wife yet?
NOT YET! OF COURSE !!!
I don't have the high EQ to be nice cat and mean cat at the same time!!!
My Mr. Huang just took his mom's side and decided to sacrifice my right on paying a visit to my parents during Chinese New Year. (So, I have declared my right and gave words that he will have to go home alone without me)
Traditionally, like how western people celebrate Christmas, we Taiwanese will get together to have a nice, big meal on Chinese New Year's Eve.
Then, after, the day of Lunar New Year, married women will visit their parents and spend a day.
Mr. Huang's family is in Catering business. They will be busy on Chinese New Year.(I can totally understand the situation and the importance of being a helpful hand) Because more and more families think it is too tiring to prepare dinner and will simply call out for the catering food.
So, Huang's four married daughters will be home on the second day of Chinese New Year holidays to help out the business.
I'll say it is good to have so many daughters and son-in-laws to be so helpful when it is hard to hire workers during Chinese New Year.
But to deprive my right from the tradition and ask me to help out while all their daughters are home with their parents and ME, stay in Huangs to help out instead of going home being a good daughter is totally , TOTALLY N-O-T Negotiable
How's this fair?
How can I put up with this archaic, foul idea !!
The plan we had before the argument was to be at Huang's three days before Chinese New Year's Eve.
So, if we followed the old plan, we would be helpful enough for plenty of works.
To be reasonable and think the best interests of Mr. Huang is Huangs problem to be concerned. They should know if they forced thier son to stick around and help, they would put thier son to the edge away from THE GOOD SON-IN-LAW zone.
It could sabotage not only the intimacy with his wife but the relationship with all the in-laws on his wife side!!
How smart will Huangs be? I don't know !!!
We just had the argement and this conflict is left without any conclusions!
I think, I'll just have to wait and see.
Being calm is by far the step I can think of!
I wish I could have talked to someone about it.
Alas, I have chosen this marriage and to marry this man and now, it is my problem to learn how to stick to it!
Orelse what, Gingie?