Fate is tricky with surprises waiting for us at the most unexpected turns. Sometime, the best art pieces were borned in the roughest time of one's life. Solitary celibacy is never satisfying, though it might inspire one's mind the most! We all more or less need to feel LOVE in us somewhere, somehow, at sometimes.

This is how I felt after seeing this movie! It reminded me of my own lonliness in the past years.
For some years in my twenties, I was always so lonely and empty in heart! I was busy with my work, my study, my social life. But, that never filled the bottomless depth in my heart, the unfathomable abyss. However, that was also the most productive time of my life for poems.
I wrote them when I was so lonely and desperate, the words struck me out of nowhere when I was at sleeps, in dreams, and when talking to others. Weird~~~no insipiration now that my heart is no longer suspended.

Seraphine was named the naive style painter in France, she claimed to be summoned by an angel's voice to paint!! The colors of her paintings stun us with amazement. I think, those are the colors of passion and love!! The eager longing for attention and care~~~
(For the angel part, I hold my doubt)

Her paintins make me think of the Fireworks!! I can't tell much of the patterns or items she drew, whether they are the feathers, eyes, apples, peaches, oranges???? dunno....

Items in her paintings are repetitive, the colors are vivid and strong! I am not professional in art, but they show strong affection and when you look at them, you will be iced by the frozen enternity~~~time ceases itself around them. I like them!

I don't think that people need to be trained to know how to appreciate the art works. All we have to do is to use our eyes and hearts to feel~~~

I am a lazy person who love to rent DVDs and enjoy them at home. For this one piece, I was at the theater with other audience. It was because I was invited to a movie seminar to give a short speech. The owner of it is an art movie activist who is dedicate in promoting art movies to college students and that is why he often invites teachers from different departments to guide the audience for a better understaind to the movies, since hollywood commercial films are still the main stream. He thought more should have a chance to see something else.

I was honored to be there and didn't think I would have the opportunity to share my afterthought of a movie with a bunch of movie-lovers.

It felt great and hope I will be there soon again.


Taiwan is a Country. China has no part in it.

I'd like to give a shout out to those who don't know much about Taiwan as well as to those who have already known Taiwan for long. Please understand the FACT that Taiwan has been an independent country for many decades. We have our own elected presidents, but for the present one whom many of us feel very much ashamed of, for he has been conducting deeds which jeopardize the democracy our predecessor and former democrat had consumed thier lives building. The dignity of Taiwan has been degrading because he is pro-Beijing.

People in Taiwan are on the verge of losing the freedom of speech and the freedom of assembly. We are not allowed to protest and express our thinking in action. We are not allowed to display our national flags in public because for some unknown reasons, it suddenly becomes too sensitive to put them up or to hold them in hands since the chairman of ARATS (a rat, indeed! ) from China is now visiting Taiwan. The police force that has been arranged to protect the visitors from China and the regulations the govenment set to confine the movement of Taiwan people have made Taiwan, once again, a place in military curfew.

Today, a music shop was broadcasting one song that had the word "Taiwan" in the lyrics, then soon after, the shop was ordered by the police to stop broadcasting.
What kind of country are we living in? If we can't even tell others who we are?

How ironic is it that the national flag of Taiwan was the party flag of KMT party, the ruling party now. Before we were released from the military curfew, for many years, KMT party had been brainwashing people in Taiwan on how evil and cunning China was. They taught children to call China, "Gong-Fei", the bandit. They gave people a false image of being able to fight against China and conquered them one day.

This circumstance was altered until our first elected president, Lee Deng-hui had put an end to the military curfew and set an fence between China and Taiwan claiming our relation to be Country-to-Country relationship.

Later, when DPP (Democratic Progressive Party) arose and we had our second elected president, Chen Shui-bian. He and his officials had worked hard on rebuilding the sovereignty of Taiwan. They strongly asserted that Taiwan is a country.

It is so true. We are! We are proud to be one and we refuse to be part of China because we never are.

It is China's wishful thinking that Taiwan is one of their provinces. They wish!!! Fat Chance~~~

What is more mortifying, irritating and infuriating is that the president who won 7 miliions votes to get his throne told his ruling people, we, that it is fine for that chairman from China not calling him "President."

Who has he become? If he weren't the president? And what have we become?
Shame on him !!!

I am so glad I wasn't blind to vote for him. I feel sorry for those 7-million voters who believed his lies and thought he would bring us to proseprity in finance and solve the unemplyment problem, but I also resent those blind people for their choice has dragged us down to this condition. What is off their anticiaption is that thing turned out that all he ever plotted and wanted was to reunite with China. That is his really, truly conspiracy.

Today, the Chairman from ARATS and our representative signed a contract which was secretly consented by the two without people knowing any details of it.

What is going on? Those Gong-fei will be here for a few more days. I hope no blood will be seen during the protest.

Taiwan people just want the voice to be heard~~~~~Taiwan is a country.


It Becomes Harder to Survive in the System

I had already known the changes the school were making before coming back to school. What I didn't realize was its persistence to put it through.

A TA stopped by my classroom today telling me that she was the TA of my class and was responsible for helping my students to conquer their deterrence in study. I was a bit surprised to know this "after-class consultation". Apparently, it is the new policy !! Later on, I was overtaken by my doubts over the real benefits it might have brought to the students.

My first doubt was to the ability the TA had. She told me she needed to help students from 2 different course. Mine is "The introduction to Literature" another was "the Western Culture History." She is a graduate program student. I am sure, she is busy enough for her own study and she needs to help other student to solve theirs. HOW????
Will she has that much time to prepare for the studies that aren't her specialties?

Second,Universities are supposed to be the places where students learn how to be independent. It is their prime time to enjoy the youth, try out the new things and learn how to solve the problems on their own. And.......the after-class consultation? What the hell????

They are not the primary school students who need extra helps after school for their homeworks. They are grwon-ups that need to and should be seeking the answers themselves in the libraries or ask me, their teacher, for what they don't understand or can't think through.

Isn't self-study importnat for college students? Supplementary study may be school's good intention to reduce the workload of the teacher's, but at the same time, isn't it kind of insulting the teachers on the face implying that they might ignore their students needs? Implying that they aren't working hard enough to teach their students.

Students in Taiwan are unbelievable passive when it comes to Studying, and now, the university from mine are making new policies to curb the learning abilities of students'.
Students can never develop their interests in studying and be spontaneous in it as well if they were forced to take the supplement which, at some points, questions their abilities.

It.......secretly...... gives out the hint that "You all should be good students, but I don't think you can make it on your own because you are weak not strong. If you couldn't be good students, it would bring the shames to your school."


Oh...BTW.......the TA needs to keep a record on how many students of mine going to her for helps. And......I have these paper slips that I need to give out to those who have the lower performance in my class. ............................................................(Silent)


Unless U r Strong in Mind, Don't get married

One day, one day soon, I'll study what I want, and then I want to write a book about Taiwanese women. How they've changed over times, how their self-consciousness has been arosed and reformed and how they've also kept the traditional durability temperament that has been passed on from generation to genration in Taiwan history.

Whenever the married women get together, their main concerns will be revolved around their families. At certain points; I would say, it is a bit upsetting~~~
They don't talk about what they are gonna do with their dreams, their jobs or maybe how they want to chance their present lives to better ones. They don't !!!!! Very disappointing~~~
Or perhaps, programs or activities they are interested in taking their kids to participate.
No...they don't.

If children are not what they mention, it will be the mother-in-law they complain. No one seems to be able to solve the problem. It is like some expert from TV has put it; When it is about the issue relates to families, no resolution is good enough or can perfectly apply.

I can't agree more with what the expert says. She is totally right~ Taiwanese women carrry great responsiblities on their backs, trying to play every role well. A good daughter, a good gf, a good wife, a good mom. But they seldom reveal how they want to work further to the dreams they desire. Why???? Why not?

A friend of mine, for who I have thought to be able to read my mind, told me the other day, how it was impossible for me to be a mom and pursuit my study at the same time. She told me that was how things were. No woman could be what she wanted when she became a mom.
I was quite shocked to hear this~~~Why can't I have the kids and have my study at my both hands?????

I hate to hear this and I refuse to let it happen.
I believe only by progessing further and higher, doing what interest me can have my spiritual self satisfied without confusion and void. Because, if I am to live up to 80 years old, then I won't be bored from life so soon after I finish my duties to my elders, hubby and children. Those who have gotten married early and have babies at early ages will be grandparents earlier, and then, what else............being grand grand-parents and grand grand grand parents???

Love thyself, woman~~~I will try my best to do it.


Getting Used to the Life with 2 Dwellings

Taking buses becomes a routine now, this boring and repeating activity takes me 1.5 hours every 2 days sitting dully on the seat doing nothing. Well...nothing productive can be done anyway. I usually take the bus in the evening and no light is allowed when the bus is on the highway, so even if I wanted to read something on the bus, it didn't seem ideal.....

I have 9 teaching hours a week this semester. 3 hrs on Mondays, 4 on Thursdays and 2 on Fridays. At first, I was offered the courses on Monday and Thursday. So.....I thought I could fill in Tuesday and Wednesday by taking other part time jobs. Working from Monday to Thursday and go home on Thursday evening to spend a long weekend with my hubby, being a weekday single and a weekend wife.

But, I was offered another course for Fridays and it changed my plans.
Now, I go home on Monday afternoon after I finish 3 hours teaching in the morning and come back to Taichung on Wednesday evening for Thursday and Friday class and then go home again on Friday evening until Sunday evening and so the circulation goes on~~~~~~

Tiring~~Tiring drudgery~~Traveling back and forth between Taoyuan and Taichung. Spending ineffective hours on the bus, spacing out of the window or watching the lame films the bus provides. But.........it's just.......too difficult to solve this catch 22.

Can't have the cake and eat it, too~~~~I suppose.....
I thought about fill in the gap between hours in school and thought that I could have made a decent living out of it. It would be a piece of cake for me to arrange a light schedule for a decent amount of money, but then I would have to work from Monday to Friday in Taichung living a separate life with my hubby. He has to work from Mon. to Sat. especially Saturdays, he works from 9 in the morning to 9 in the evening, he only takes Sundays off and I have to be in Taichung on Sunday evenings, which implies that if I worked from Monday to Friday in Taichung, my time alone with my hubby would be less than a day~~~What can I do, right?

We are, afterall, the newly-wed......We need to see each other more often to bond the marriage and in order to acheive it, someone needs to sacrifice. I thought things should be simplified and so, I took the role to be a commuter.

Keeping 2 dwellings is not totally bad~~~ There are some merits to be a part-time single away from marriage; such as, having my social life back. All friends that I am close to are in Taichung.
Although, I only stay in Taichung 3 nights a week, many dates can still be arranged~~that's not a problem. Meeting old friends, arranging my favorite day field trips to department stores. Taichung has the best department stores and restaurants~~~~Hehehehehe....
Slow life pace is the rhythm in Taichung~~~~fair weather, fair tea stalls, coffee shops, well-dressed people walking on the streets. ~~~Nice~~~

At the first week alone in Taichung, I couldn't sleep. I haven't slept alone for quite a while~~I don't miss much of my single nights alone, though I do miss the freedom I had~~~~but definitely not the nights I spent with only ME~~~ At least I thought I didn't miss it~~~after the first week and it went into the second, I started getting used to the feeling of getting along with ME in the room. It felt great~~ I didn't miss my hubby, on the contrary, I was expecting the date I had with my friends the next day. Mmmmmm.........................interesting........

Owning 2 dwellings and changing roles from a single woman to a married one from time to time perhaps will do good to someone like me who always whines about the present condition with dissatisfaction...... Only by rotating roles constantly can I be able to keep a balance that feeds my needs for changing.


What happened to our young????

The second week in the university has been good so far. I guess, it is because the students I have now, aren't as difficult as the clients I had outside school. For this, I am not saying that students in the university have bettter understanding in English than the adult students I had before and can lessen my working load. On the contrary, they aren't any better. In fact, they are poorer in English.
What I mean " difficult" is that those I had before asked more from the teacher and demanded to know more about the correct usages, which might have challenged my own ability if I weren't good enough!!
But, here in the university, students aren't eager to improve their English, they are content with what they are capable of and the scariest thing is that, they aren't good enough as they might have thought they were~~
The reason I suppose is, unlike those adult students who spent their own hard-working money to pay for the course they took; the college students are still under the financial supports from their parents. They take the support for granted and might overestimate their abilities.

That's why I said: "they aren't as difficult!" It takes me a lot of time to prepare for the "Introduction to Literature" , but for the "Intermediate English Conversation," I am quite disappointed with their performances. As English-majors in their third year, they couldn't even use " passed the test", " go to an interview" or "get a haircut."

What happened to our kids?
I should have felt happy for not needing to put more effort in them. They are easy as a pie. But I am not happy about this, I expect more from them~~What can I do, really?


Big Change

There is an saying goes: "You'll never know what comes next !" I think, it is so true. One moment, I was planing on having a baby; the next moment, the plan was abruptly suspended!

It is all because I am moving back to where I was a year ago. But, this time, I am moving back alone without my husband.

Thing started when I received a voice mail from the English department. They had called to ask if I was still keen to take a position in school. (Of course, I was ~~)

In fact, back in June, I tried to apply for a part-time position in my alma mater. But both the English department and the English language center had told me they weren't short of teachers. More, they told me I was a bit too late since they started recruiting teachers some time earlier and had filled in all positions.

I wasn't so dissappointed with it because I am not an aggressive person when it comes to job-hunting. I am too lazy to send out resume and go around for interviews. Besides, most of the time, the jobs I sought by myself didn't came out with results. So, basically, I was always hunted by the jobs that needed me. That's why I've been making living by teaching English for so long. I don't complain much of what I work for living, even though I don't think I deserve to be like this either !!!

However, just like what I just said: You will never know what comes next. Since 2 weeks ago, I was so lucky that I had been offered by different people for different jobs. One wanted me to consider tutoring her kids. The other asked me to contact her friend in publishing house for a translating position. At the same time, I got more hours from the language center I worked, which had tired my throat out and had caused some damage to it.

I didn't give it a much thought when my school asked if I could help out in such a late notice. I said, " I am eager to be back in Taichung and I am highly interested in teaching some thing more professional." I even told them I was planing on getting a further degree and definitely, university provided a more resourceful environment for studying and the part-time teaching job would be a great plus on my resume. That's it~~~I am going back to Providence University to be an instructor.

This opportunity has definitely push me forward to the goal I set for my life. I always wanted to work in universities. But then, my hubby and I will have to live apart. We have only been married for 7 months, and we're living apart soon. That doesn't sound too good for newly-weds, furthermore, we were even hoping to have a baby.

I don't know how thing is going to turn out. I have an extensive experience in teaching, but to lieteature intruction, it will be my first. Just wait and see~~I guess.

I've already consulted my classmates and friends in school about the regulations they have for part-time instructors. They've shared their thinking and opinions.

Taking this part-time position is hardly going to cover my expense. The payment for part-timer is meanly scarce ~~~ I'll have to look for more jobs.

God blesses me !!!! May I have a better future with enough money to live on~~~~~


What happened to our kids?

Nothing upset me more than teaching a bunch of dull heads. They sit there staring at you with their eyes filled with emptiness. They don't response to your questions? Even though, the questions are so simple. I always wonder...Is it that the questions being too simple which makes them idiotic to answer me or is it because they can't understand the explanation I put in class?

Well.....I am not the only one who gets the feeling like this. Receptionists in our language center confirms my feeling over those youngster we have this year in school.

Are our genes degenerating???? Because Taiwan is producing students who are dull, nerdy and empty-headed. They have no reaction over their schoolwork or daily life and of course they don't have the common senses that many adults take for granted. They are like the living dead. All they react to is the fashion trend. They know well of every brand that sells, every popular icon or idol, every hit in high-tech industry. But they don't seem to know what's going on in the world they live. Which I mean, the skills they need to require to be humans, such as: the proper interpersonal interation with others!!!!

There were times, when my students tried to converse with me by an opening sentence like----
" Don't you think The Mummy 3 was a fantastic movie?" or "I used to live near a chiropractor."

Well.....hello.......? Where were we? What had lead our conversation here? This sort of situation happened in the middle of class when I asked them if they had questions over the Eng. grammar I just mentioned. And there they were, popped out a sentence that was totally irrelevant~~~

My assumption for this is: They might just want to show their fondness for my class to me by saying something to express that they like the ways I teach in class.
This is how I've conviced myself to believe. Or else, I don't know how to explain the circumstances I ran into?

This morning, I had one little girl in my class. She was probably 9 or 10 years old.
When I asked students to think of all the adjectives they'd learned before. This little girl was the most active one in class who links one after another.

From her, I realize, the skill that my other students lack is the "imagination", the ability to associate one thing with another. Normally, if one mentioned the word "fat", the word "thin" should appear in the other's head." That's the normal relation that one should have come up!

But the students we have this year don't have this ability. They don't~~~ It takes them a long long time to squeeze a word.

It is rather strange that from the education system we have here in Taiwan, they should have received at least 6-8 years English courses in school and still, they aren't able to spit an adjective.

Isn't it infuriating?????

To speak from the other way around, there are, in fact, students that are brilliant, smart and talented.

They show their intelligence in early ages and surprise older people like me. They learn quick, think quick, reponse quick over everything. They never seem to absorb enough and they ask a lot of questions.

Our youngsters are growing to extreme ends~~ That's terrifying!!
This worries us olders people because it becomes a tougher challenge to help your kids fit into the society we are heading toward in the future, doesn't it?


Contradictory Emotional Struggles of Being Taiwanese Women

Last Sunday, two cousins from my mom's side visited us in Yun-lin, where my parents-in-law live. (I am always close to my cousins from mom's side. )
They wanted to take the kids to have some fun at the beach! Actually, their main purpose was the clams on the beach. But, to dig up the wild clams takes patience to wait for the ebb.

While we were waiting for the tide to ebb, the men were making Chinese tea and chatting casually. We, women, on the other hand, sat aside in the corner talking busily about our marriages.

Eversince, I became a married woman, I was included into a differnt zone of social circle. Before, none of the married cousins had ever mentioned any sex-related subjects to me.

Sex is an interesting topic among friends, but not among coworkers, a forbidden one in the family. However, the sex taboo exists only in certain families, not all though . In my hubby's, they enjoy teasing each other for their sex lives.

Anway, they were showing their concerns on our plans for the babies and they were also telling me how I should care for my hubby's well-being. The responsibilities that a wife should take!
Buying deodorant socks for him to avoid the embarrasement in social events. Think carefully of your baby plan because once you get the kids you plan for, contraception will be your job to stick to.

WHAT the h-e-l-l ???
I love my hubby and love to help decide what's best for him to wear. But, to take what he should wear as my responsibility? Isn't this too much? I would be happy to give him my suggestion, but to do or not is his call to make. Isn't it so?

And~~~~~~Why am I the one to watch out for the accidental pregnancy? If we want to stop having more babies, why can't it be my hubby's responsiblity to get the vasectomy? (of course, it is way too early to think about it, since we are childless.)

My cousin and cousin-in-law were sharing their experience on "abortion" with me, saying how dreadful it was to feel the pain and the after-effect it caused to their bodies. How they have felt the invisible black holes in them that suck out their enegergy from them. I was so shocked because I didn't know getting "A-s" was so common among married women. They are still sexual active after getting the # of kids they wanted, but being fertile becomes great worriment for them when they are in beds with their men.

What they'd shared with me saying that " We, women were caretaker for the family even the protectors of our own." Where are men in this situation? Are they exist in the marriages????

Liberal and liberative as Taiwanese women are, there are limitations they confine themselve to.
Men are half in the marriages, too. Right? Leave them half the responsibility of everything in the household, shall we? Let them not just, being pleased with whatever they're pleased with!!!
Be responsible, married men !!! Women bring home the bacon as much as you do, too.~~

Many of us, Taiwanese Women, desire to be better by receiving higher education, work harder for tasteful, even desirable lives. The colorful single lives of 4 characters in Sex and the City; Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda are perfect models to look up to.

How to live to the fullest at the present is the course Taiwanese women are interested in learning. Single or not, they're eager to attend various workshops, seminars, speeches and career-driven training ect. Such as: learning a second language.

Look around, you will see more females than males in Taiwan trying to make the better selves out of them.

My cousin and cousin-in-law as well, are taking higher education to nourish themselves for the possible chances that may improve their lives. They care about their appearances, preventing the ugliness that will age their looks quicker. Paying great attentions on their families and kids, hoping their kids will, one day, be more outstanding than what they've worked hard to maintain.

Even though females are devoting in forming new images for themselves; their behaviors change automatically after getting married. I don't know if those changes just jump up on them unconsciously or are them forced to transform by any external factors?

Or are we, women, the natural-born control freaks? We, are to be blamed for the consequences??

Why do we need to work so hard to be better women while men thought they were perect enough for the situations?

Keep on like this, playing a traditional Taiwanese woman will kill me one day~~~


Energy-saving Life

The routine we have every day is to watch political talk shows. There are many though, we only favor one. It becomes indispensable because there is no outlet to express the anger toward the tough life we have here in Taiwan. Only by watching the political discussion can we find the comforts being taken care of. Although, it is understandable that the inflation problem is invading all over the globe. We feel very much powerless over the weak government we have right now.

The media who is on the ruling party's side is using its every chance to help cover the flaw. They try to justify the unreasonable policies of the government, brainwash the audience to let them think it is inevitable that all prices should be elevated. Even more, they are promoting all energy-saving methods to teach you to be prepared for the worst to come.

I have to say, to save energy and make every energetic resource more efficient is the duty of every citizen on earth. We should love our this globe and try hard to last its longevity, since we are co-existing in symbiosis.

More and more people start living in energy-efficient ways. Buying the food in the supermakets before they close because, usually, the prices will go down to 50% to sell out the slow-selling goods. Group-shoppings online is so popular 'cause people can get good discounts. Restaurants are sitting there with empty seats since people try not to spend extra expense on unnecessary occasions. Office workers take turns to prepare lunch for others because,buying food materials in larger quantity saves more money.

Toilet papers are being stored every time they are on sales, it becomes every housewife's duty to watch carefully of their toilet-paper storage at homes. Housework experts are teaching housewives how to use the best of every piece of paper, toilet paper, napkin and tissue. For instance, cut the size of facial tissue in half. So, one box becomes two.

Water is one important item in resource management as well, people keep the waste water from shower because they can use the waste water to flush the toilets or to mop the floor. Using the water that rinse the rice to water the flowers or to do the dishes. The water that rinse the rice can be used to wash out the greasy from the dishes, the ancient method before the dish detergent was invented.

Energy-efficient lightbulbs are highly recommended to be replaced at homes, however, some reports show the efficiency is quite limited but still families are using them in the hope to fight against the sky-high power rate. One pratical way is to keep everyone in the same room at one time.

There are fashion designers publish books to teach people how to amend the old clothes in closet into trendy styles. Make your own accessories, compose the new makeups that you kept in the corner of the drawer.

I totally agree with the methods listed above, I am attracted to learn all those energy-saving methods. I think, it is better that those methods are put into practice in our lives. We should all be eco-friendly!

But, my point is that people here in Taiwan are living in desperation. It may be helpful to live our lives more energy-efficient, still the income is devaluated into an unrecoverable state.

Our president gave his smart-ass opinion when a farmer complained to him about the frequent theft that took away his living tools saying, " why not install the theft-proof lamppost?"
He is also remodeling himself into the images of our late president, one that once was renowned of his austerity and frugality. He imitates every move of this late one, wearing the old watch, reparing the shoes that had been worn out times before it couldn't be restored anymore. Taking the high-speed rails to attend his inauguration, saying that the Air force 1 shouldn't have been taken because the fuel for the plane would have costed greater than the rail, he made believe that the money was saved, while the national security crew were guarding every stop the high-speed rail passed and the cost was greater than what it appeared on media.

Out of the pressure of the criticism, he was forced to take his first flight a few days ago after the inauguration. This time, he did take the plane, but he took the plane that was assigned to carry the vice-president. Again, he jeopardised his safety as a president to act like a president who tried hard to save the tax money that people paid.

He was going to southern Taiwan for a meeting and taking other 19 officials with him in a 20-seat plane that might have saved the 60 grand NT for the tax-payers but costed even more because there were more than 20 officials who were required to attend the meeting with him down south. So, the other officials took the high-speed rails down south that the ticket fare for the round trip was 4000 NT. Of course, the expense would be reimbursed.

I didn't know the reason for those who voted him, but I know, I have never liked this one.
Long before he is a president. A great actor he is, but fools no one like me.
Being good-looking is not his fault, but being a father of an American is definately his fault that he should amend but he dares not to. His daughter was using her American passport when she was back for her father's inauguration. His two daughters are not living in Taiwan to experience the difficult lives that his father is ruling. They are living in America as American.

Ironically, our former president's daughter-in-law was forced to return to give the birth because many Blue-party politicians accused this former president's daughter-in-law for her treason.

Taiwan is no longer the Formosa, the paradise that once broke the record of foreign exchange reserves in Asia.

The president in Korea was inaugurated a few months earlier than ours. He policies that helped fight the inflation were teased by many experts because those policies seemed so absurd at first.

He restrained the prices of some grocery items. For examples, eggs, tops, kimtche etc.
At first, I thought that was ridiculous, thinking how could this work? What would it benefit the people whose money was thin to spend. Although, people in Korea are disatisfied with their president and have already held several protests requesting for a better solution.

I think, at least, people can buy the daily life neccessity in lower prices and are able to keep their lives going. Their president is braver than ours and has gut.

Ours steps back from the front line and tells his people that " what a president should be is staying behind the prime minister to make decisions, that is the image of how a president should be. If he has to stand in front to answer the questions all the time, then what is the function of his cabinet for anyway? "

So, this is what he did. He attended an occasion the other day feeding a cow and naming him.~~~
This was what a president should do, I suppose. Neglecting the desperate needs of his people, instead playing with a cow to show that he is a kind-hearted president that loves the animals.

If we can't be satisfied, where will your future be, president ??
Yap, right! You will be joining your daughters in America, being the direct family of American citizens.


Ever thine, ever mine, ever OURS~

Yesterday was a burning hot day ! I passed my chance to go to the mountain with my hubby because I had suffered much from the sizziling sun the day before. It was fun to have a one-day trip with my hubby and his friends, but it was too tiring.

So, yesterday, while my hubby enjoyed his family time, I grasped my chance at the theater with my favorite, "Sex and the City." It was better to go alone anyway~~I needed my private time to appreciate the shrine of all women.

This HBO series had accompanied me to pass the lowest emotional tumblings when I was in college. I am sure, many women have shared the same experiences like me.~~~

I couldn't remember how many times I had shed my tears with Carrie over Big's indecisive commitphobia.

There is more than just the discussions over sex or the love relationships between the characters. "Sex and the City" conveys women in ways they long to be understood!!!

We love to be understood emotionally, we have our particular expression over issues and lives.

We have our reasons for everything we want to do or people we love.

We are all princesses in our dreamlands and thiking our living-happily-ever-after lives with our Mr. Rights.

But lives are not pretty, we may be searching without that meant-to-be, or we may find out marraige isn't the answer to love. But "LOVE" is something we won't stop hoping for~

Nomatter how our "LOVE" have their ways out of our lives. The most important thing we should always bear in mind is, " the past LOVE is still as strong as the time we once owned it. No need to deny the ever existing love."
I enjoyed how the movie had presented those fancy outfit that blinded my eyes with dazzles.
Still, I loved how Carrie and Big ended at the end of the movie.
Got married in PLAIN ORDINARY~~~~


Life is a Bitch, then You Die

Life in Taiwan has become so pressing and stressful that agitates everyone so much lately. Of course, it is due to the shortage of the oil supply, that's why the prices of all goods are flying so high up. It is sure to know that the depression and inflation are not only the problems in Taiwan but all over the world.

But, here in Taiwan, we have 14 news channels to broadcast the news 24-7. It might be a surprise for outsiders to think it amazing that, how little Taiwan is as an island and can have so many news to be broadcasted 24-7. Well, we don't~

That's the dreadest part of it. There aren't so many news out there ever day while we have too many news channels which are desperate to spread the news. So, the thing is, they share news with each other. Each news will be broadcasted for about 3 days, sometimes a week. Or even, they will use the old news years or months ago, if you pay close attention to it.

Well.............It isn't news anymore, if it took 3-4 days to be known.

So, when there is a price going up, all news channels take turns to spread the news and causes the false image that the same item has been raised the price many times in a short period of time. It makes people feel that they are living in an abyss where no hope is ever able to be seen.

How can we catch up with the prices while our salary staying where it was a decade ago.

The enterprises in Taiwan never stop whining about how little money they make each year and still, their employees can get big annual bonus every year, especially to those government-runned organizations.

The primal factor to cause the inflation is the OIL price and the problem has been rotting for too long that it had deluded people to believe choosing the different party to run the country would have made the differences. Which was so wrong that ever since our new president was selected in March and was inaugurated in late May, the situation has gone to the very bottom and deeper.

The supporters of his might say, "it has only been a month of him being a president so far, we should wait longer too see his words proven." Well.....that wasn't what he had promised when he was running the campaign. If they can't they understand taht hungry people are impatient for the insufficiency, I am sure, the riot might arise anytime soon.

There is more, the 7 millions who were deluded had chosen a president whose cabinet members are having the permanent residency permit in either States or Canada. Even the president was once being questioned about his green card identity.

We are now, practically, ruled by a group of people who are either Canadian or American !!
How does that sound? They even dareto claim their patriotisms are unquestionable.~~~

If something goes wrong between China and Taiwan, we would be left without the head. Because they would be asking for political protection from Canada and States.

How happy are we to be here??? An enviroment with all doubts and questions and anxiety for the unstable life. ~~~~

May God be the witness and may we be able to have better lives SOON, ASAP~~~Because 4 years is too long to tolerate an incapable leading team !!


All Alone or Not, You Gotta Walk Ahead

As long as it is a good movie, it doesn't matter when you get to see it, right?
This one particular, I would say is a tear-jerker. So Melodramatic~~~ I cired my heart out while watching it at home with my hubby napping on the couch next to me. He isn't that romantic or any sensitive about delicate moves, but he is always there for me.

But........ here comes the "BUT" scary "BUT
The movie narration was pretty leaping at the first two scenes. The irrational fight with the steamy love-making afterward was somewhat cliche. I know how common it is to couples. It just isn't a new way of putting the set. Then, Gerry suddenly died~~He died~Jaw-dropping!!

So, I started clipping my toenails. I wasn't aware of how my toe nails were done. Because, before long, I started to shed tears~~~

From the Birthday Scene......To the end. Every mail Holly got had made me cry even harder~

I would say, it would be difficult for people to understand that sort of painful loss if they hadn't ever had that ridiculous, consuming love in their lives. Whether they got dumped or lost their love ones to the death could they understand the feelings of lingering in the limbo, being a living death.

The lines in the movie that I love the best was----- All alone or nor, you gotta walk ahead. The thing is, if we're all alone, then we're all together in that, too.

Yes, indeed. It is so true, is it not??

When I was 19, I had one love that was so consuming and ridiculous~~It took me 5 years to put myself together from my wandering soul. There were friends around me who listened. There were constant talks about the feelings. Story-telling to those who got in the same situations. Time passed and the timing came, that was how the closure was made~~~

Then, when I finally snapped out of it. I realized " things change through time, love changes as well, we are what we have to depend on. Especially, when the love isn't perfectly ended, standing on our feet is how you can move on from the wounds. "

Now, I am married. I love my hubby. This love relationship with him is just relaxed and comfortable, not tiring at all, not exactly consuming but I can still feel the heat. I sometimes tease and ask him about how sad he would be without me around or, on the other way around, on how sad I would definately be if he wasn't around. We all know in our hearts that it will be devastaing to lose each other. Because our love for each other is mutual and reciprocal. Of course, one day, when one of us needs to live without the other half, at least I would know how to face it.

Well....this movie was more than just love between couples. At the end of the movie, Holly's mom handed her the last mail from Gerry and told her how Gerry had made her cooperated with his antemortem plans. While handing Holly the mail, her mother told her it was time for her to make a closure. They talked about Holly's father, whom Holly barely knew much about. Holly's mom explained why she was so furious and against Holly's marriage with Gerry. She said, she was angry with herself for being so powerless letting her child going after the same path she once had been. Falling in love with a man whose characters reminded Holly's mom of her dad. It is needless to say that sometimes parents are not always right.



Ginger, the AUTHOR. Yap ! Tha's right !

The draft cover
My books, there are totally 5 of them for the author.
The front.
The back.
Although, I haven't actively taken action on pursuing my PH.D yet. I think, the goal has moved a step forward with a new title that definately will be listed on my resume, the AUTHOR.
Ginger, Huei-Chen Yang, the author of the book, "Women's freedom of Choice in Marge Piercy's Three Women."
This out-of-blue fortune happened on an email I received one day this February while I was browsing carelessly on the internet. The one who wrote the email said she was an assistant researcher from a German publisher, she said my thesis matched their planned object and asked me if I would be interested in publishing my thesis.
I was stunned for a moment, tried to read it the second time and I cried out loud~~
The pressure was released through the cry of me and accompanied with tears and uncontrollable shiver. It was so overwhelmed and took me minutes to calm myself down~~
After calming down, I started to think it might be too good to be true. How would I be the one while there were hundreds of thousands graduate, post-graduate students out there with their thesis coming out every minute in the world, especially when many of them whose mother tongue was English and might have gottten upper hands in being chosen.
Why ME???
Would it be an international scam ?
But it didn't make much sense~Why bother spending energy on a nobody far away in Taiwan from Germany?
So, the first thing I did was calling my cousin in Germany, telling her the good news, asking if she would help me by requesting her husband to confirm the authenticity of the publisher for me.
At the same time, I replied the email saying that I was highly interested in knowing more about the detail.
The publisher said there would be no charge for publishing my thesis, but there were conditions and terms about the cut I would get in the future.
I called my professor right away after the reply and consulted her to see whether it was a good idea to let the publisher publish my book. In fact, at that time, I still needed to pass the editiorial censor. She would decide the possibility of the market potential.
I passed, and there began my way to my book-publishing.
Because it is a thriving publisher and are aggressively publishing the academic books. Their budget on the books are not that high. They provide an online system for all potentail authors to upload their information which will be made into book covers.
So, that was how it worked, I went online to key in the introduction of the book, the title, subtitle of the book even the author's short biography. I decided what I wanted to reveal.
That's interesting~~~ I even picked the color of my book, the designed photoshot.
The whole book- publishing event took nearly 3 months to accomplish.
I got my books few weeks ago. They are beautiful~~of course they are. Every part was decided by me.
I was trying to keep the news low until everything was finalized.
I still can't believe I have my own books now. Nothing changes in my life, still a nobody who wishes to have her dream come true one day. Hibernating now to store more knowledge and waiting for the chance to strike hard some day.


Believe Yourself, BRO~~~

My brother has been down for quite a while. I can't recall since when he started feeling moody.
He is upset about his love life, his unsettled future and family matters.

I can totally understand how he feels because I had been there years ago. When I was younger, when my love relationship failed me and I thought I would end up alone till I die.

When he talked about how he couldn't get the job he wanted and how unlucky he was, I was there listening and tried convincing him it would go away, telling him my own stories, how I had survived through the lows. Maybe I talked too much, and I shouldn't have done that. I should have just listened and let him vented all he wanted.

But I couldn't bare to see him got stuck in the mud and suffered the pain that one day he might find it worthless.

My younger brother is my only sibling, and thus, I care for him a lots~ We supported each other through many ups and downs, those hideous mood swings that disturbed us both from our mom.

Today, he went to psychic with my mom to ask about his future. He came back without any solutions~~ But he told me, he knew he had to believe himself and do what he thought was right to do. I was happy to hear this.~~ Afterall, our fates lie in our hands.

I had once written about the Psychic (Shaman) matter in my blog. This is common in Taiwanese culture. Before going to shrinks get accepted, people went to psychics for spiritual comforts,
trying to find ways out through supernatural power. Of course, it is only the therapeutic process that matteres!!

But one thing for sure is, never take the prediction too seriously unless it is something good.
Because postive energy accelarates the good thing to happen quicker but the negative one brings you down to the dead end infinitely~~

So far, I don't know what else I can do or say to help my bro. I'll probably repeat what I've already said.

Today, after calling him, I realized he was smart enough to see the situation.
I am sure, he will put himself together soon and moves on to the next step.
Nobody holds the key to the door you wish to enter, man~~~
You have all my best wishes ~~my dear bro.


At the End, So Much of It Turns not to Matter.

I am not just a book nerd who enjoys reading the mysterious, romantic and adventurous stories.
I am also a movie goer who loves to pick out those others have left untouched.
This movie "Evening" is a very very good movie that I'd like to share with whoever you are that is reading this post.

Of course, I am attracted to many of the commercial movies. But what gets me most is the one that connotes more than it shows.

"Evening" is one of those that moves me deep in heart. It express out what people might have needed to consume thier lifetime to realize. A microcosm that holds the key to the secret of life from women's pespectives~~~

The other two should be watched all together. The Hours, and Madison County

These 3 movies are all about WOMEN~~ About mothers / mothers and daughters/ passionate love that sparkles but not staying / Men and Men and Men's affection.

One similar story has been told from these 3 movies. Which is something like-----

A married woman who questions herself for her choice of marriage and unsures wheather she has been a good mom to her children or not and wonders what her life would be if she chose the star of her life. The one that ever has sparkled and leaves a burning mark on her heart that never fades away. The endings to all these 3 movies are all smiliar~~~

That....... life, one has had is whole and fulfilled. No regret is left behind because there isn't such a thing to be called mistake when it comes to one's life.

Life completes itself in a way that will always leaves something behind, even if you can't see it or be aware of it. That's what life is like and how it is. Though, you would have to have spent your life searching for it and still thought you could have had something better beyond your reach.

And.....it clicks and closes

There are times that I feel I am living my life backward.
Don't know how it occures to me.~~ Living backward. Flashback to the begginning when life is simple and pure



Let's Say....佛不是佛,你也不是你....萬物皆空

There is a book entitled, "其實,佛不是佛, 你也不是你" in the book market. I never read the book, nor will I ever want to. But I do like the title of the book a lot. The line attracts me as much as the words,"萬物皆空" as well~~
These two lines are apparently representing the philosophical wisdom of life. They are, indeed.

I am not a very religious-practiced person myself, although I grew up in a family whose hostess devoted herself plenty in pursuing the spiritual peacefulness from Taoism.

But I love to explore the meanings of life, enjoy understanding the philosophical theories and hate to see those theories being made into certain religious norms. Ironically, that's how and where one can obtain the knowledge.

Anyway, back to the line of my title.

I put that on my post because I am telling myself to relax and let go of the obsession in my brain.
I am leaving everything that troubles me in GOD's hand.

Cast the spell: " I am not me. The trouble is not the trouble. The trouble isn't mine, I don't have the trouble."

Cheers to the beauty of life~~~~~Huray.


Speak Up Now or Never !

Every couple has arguments sometimes, My hubby and I are no exception as well.
I certainly have no problems in getting my opinions across.
I express myself loud and clear and make sure he bears it in mind.

I think I am pushy, maybe a bit bossy to in other's eye. But, I think, it is healthier that way.

Definately, there were times, I found it difficult to express my mind and each time, I regreted so hard afterwards. So, whenever my hubby and I have inconsistencies, I will remind myself in heart that speak up now orelse the chance will never come back ~~

Some experts believe that if women keep their opinions oppressive, it will be more likely for them to suffer from melancholia and hence, they encourage women to speak up their minds more often. Theory as it says it should be though, still doesn't reflect much of the reality in our lives.

Two recent incidents in newspapers reported women who suffered under either domestic violence or life restraint.

The news in Taiwan reported a 22-year-old married woman who had been abused by her mother-in-law for nearly 5 years in her marriage eversince she got married. The whole thing was uncovered because this young woman was beaten to unconsciousness. The domestic violence caused a riot to her hometown. The furious neighbors of hers supported her by protesting at the police station for justice not to be served.

The other news was from Texas, USA, where exists a polygamist community that forced 13, 14, year-old teenage girls to get married with old men aged above 50 years old.

The news said this religious community used religion power to manipulate the thinkings of kids.
They talked kids into believing the outside world was immoral and unethical that would corrput their souls and got them shut out from the paths to the heaven.

It is g-o-d d-a-m-n ridiculous ~~~absurd~~~morbid~~~twisted mind..........

Those poor children, mostly girls were controled by their so-called spiritual leader and only saw making babies to be their values in lives.

These news are so sad ~~~

How can women be treated like this?
why is this still happening to women around the world.
This is modern 21st century.

Feminists from academic fields are teaching our young women to think differently and take actions to alter the situations. To open up the diversifications for women.

That's what I am always interested in.

The reality we encounter still, is not perfect enough or any fitting to perform what we've learned in school.
This is infuriating~~~ It makes me feel so powerless ~~

I can't stop wondering if the world would ever reach the equal state for both males and females?

Would it, afterall, restrict only in feministic theories ? Never able to be carried out in action?

Would us, who believe in feministic mottos have double standards over our minds and real lives?

Sometimes, I think I do~~double standard toward my life and my ideal.

I let my hubby makes the living for the family and take it for granted. Because laziness has taken the willpower out of me~~
This is a lame excuse I know. But I am seeking my way out now, I need time.
I'd never stopped working in my life, until 8 months ago.
To be more accurate, I am working right now, only as a part-timer and the living is poorly scarce to support my expence. That's all.

Moreover, isn't my hubby supposed to be the one who should be supporting me through every life obstacles like the wedding vow says?

I will, soon enough snap out of this muddy situation and get my butt up for a decent amount of money.

What should women need to face the pressure of getting pregnant, working decent jobs and being independent all at the same time? Why?

Whining is passive~~~I am only venting for my health sake.


What's Next ???

My best friend is back in Taiwan visiting family and friends. I am delighted to see her again for the first time after she got married. I wasn't able to attend her wedding in States 2 years ago and so was she, couldn't come home for my wedding party this Jan..
Amazingly on how our lives have changed, we are married women now.

Before women step into marriages, the favorite-talk-about are either boyfriends or works. After women get married, "having babies" becomes the only topic around!!

I've constanly been asked about this ever since I got married and for God's sake I am now only being married for not even 3 months. Wherever I go, I got asked about "When are you going to have babies? Do you plan to have one this year? It costs a lot to have one these days, but doesn't his family want that? Afterall he is the elder son in the family..... blah blah blah"

Of course, I have thought about this. It is indeed much more expensive to raise a baby nowadays. Also, I am frightened to think of the life with a baby around. Still, it is inevitable in my marriage to have one eventually !

Well, I am really sick of this question now. ( My period is 8 days late now ! Out of stress, I guess)

I think, every baby is a special gift from the GOD. They will come its way to me~~I don't want to push it too hard to spoil it!

Nevertheless, I am happy to see my best friend home again. We've known each other for almost 18 years since I was 13. She is one of the few friends I kept all these years.
People come and go and so are friends. You have different groups of friends in different periods of time~ I make friends easily but I lose them as well when I move on to the next stage of life.

My best friend, Piggy is different. After all these years in State, living our lives apart in distance. She didn't change much! We talked and we laughed and it brought back all the good memories we had shared before. Easy-going, not manipulative, mellow and nice. (Perhaps, that's why this friendship lasts for so long, I am more manipulative and domineering and is a control-freak. heheheheh~~~) She is only home for a week and I got her for only one day.

She said we should visit her in States. I want that of course. Piggy and her husband bought a house in SC, I should visit her soon before I get pregnant and before my US visa get expired ~~ definately ~~

I am planning on getting a license recently, and my book is coming up soon, also I am checking the doctoral programs now.

Gosh.....busy busy busy......May God give me strength !


Alzheimer's Disease----Memories of Tomorrow

There is no second-run movie theater around the place I live. So I start going back to Blockbuster for films. Of course, from time to time, we still go to the movie theater to enjoy the big screen. As long as they are good, it doesn't really matter where to view them!

I don't talk much about movies on my blog. It's because seeing movies has been my interest since I was a very young girl, maybe 6 or even earlier 5 years old. I can't live without them and besides, there are tons of movies to talk about in a variety of ascpects. Can't really make up my mind on which one is worthier than the other! Moreover, it might take a great mind and time to discuss the film I like.

This movies, however, stands out above all because the issue it's involved scares me and I think, it needs to be paid attention to ~~~~

The movie talks about a 50-year-old middle-aged white collar who works in advertising business, one day finds out he has the symptoms of Alzheimer. The disease, in general ideas, usually would be thought to happens on someone much older. The degeration progresses differently on different individuals. Some get worse quickly, some need years to get to the bottom.

This character in the movie, suffers the degenerative damages in only a few years time.
The degeneration functions so quick that he soon forget his beloved wife and lives in the memories in the past. How sad is that to forget your love one ??? Seeing your beloved one in the eye without the trace of you in her/is memory.

It scares the hell of me because, I do sometimes suffer the short-term amnesia out of tireness or lack of sleep. Of course, I think that is really no big deal and I may think too much, maybe??? No one knows what lays ahead of us, so cease the day as much while you can. Carpe Diem~~~~

Well, in the movie, the man keeps a diary while his memory is still with him. He tries to jot down the triviality, so he can still hold on to something that presents his life.

Writing a blog is a similar way to it !
I kept a few diaries before, in different ages. All were about the sentimental emotion I had !
I kept my annually schedules though, since 1994. Jotting down the events of everyday routine.
It might sound boring to some, but I think one day, my kids can share and follow my path to the past.

So, I am here, leaving words behind me. Carving marks to leave a trace of my existence.



It is a bless

My mother-in-law sent us a big box of fish by express today. The amount of fish was never able to be consumed by only two mouths in the household. I think, it might need 10 people to consume them all. So, I asked my husband to call a few friends and gave some away.
It was better that way, not just to keep the freshness but also could avoid wasting food.

Now, everything costs higher price! Never heard anyone got any raise, no increase in the family income. But the prices of all kinds go higher and higher.

It is a bless that I am married to this family whose business is catering. There is always food supply around. Of course, the cost of the business is higher now. But my mother-in-law trys to save the food expense by growing vegetables herself or picking the left over farm goods from the kind farmers.

Farmers only pick the better quality crop for sale. They leave the ugly-looking to rot or they share with neighbors. That's why my mother-in-law is always busy going to different farms for food.

Everytime, we goes back to Yun-lin or that we meets somewhere else. My mother-in-law will dispatch food around to sons and daughters.
Peanuts, sweet potatoes, green oninon, cilantro, pickled clams, fresh clams, fish, more fish, carrots, cabbages, vege-unknown........and more.

Maybe that's why I can never lose weight. Too busy consuming and digesting the food.
I have to cook often to digest them as well.
I won't complain it!
Sometimes, I can even bring some to my parents.
My dad loves the peanuts from Yun-lin. He never gets tired of it.
One time, my mom even complained that I didn't take more peanuts of what my mom-in-law had offered me to take.

The fish which arrived today was from our own fish tanks in Yun-lin. My hubby's family owns two fish tanks keeping clams. In order to feed the clams natural food. They also need to keep other creatures at the same time. So, there are milkfish, fish A and fish B. Sometimes, crabs too.
Sometimes, shrimps as well.

It is quite funny! Ours fish tanks are next to other neighbors' , so sea creatures pay visits to each other's homes. That's how we get shrimps or crabs sometimes !! Ha......

I am blessed and I should cherish what I have.

My hubby's family is very different from mine.
I can't remember much of how I've grown through it!
More judgemental, critical memories were left inside me, I guess!
I admire Angus' family for living a freer-minded life.
Perhaps they aren't well-educated and they all work as blue-collars, but they are all contented with their lives and children.
I can't imagine kissing my hubby freely while being with my parents or in the fmaily reunion.
But with them, that is just a natural act. Teasing each other and ask around who is the best in bed. Making fun of their parents!
Maybe all these are a bit vulgar and low in other's eye, but it is not oppressive to one's emotion.

Books Sharing

The story is about a man, before his departure to London, he ran into a female fortune teller telling him that his future was somewhere dark and deep and below. The incident was paid no attention by anyone included Richard, the protagonist. One day, years after the prediction, Richard saved a dirty wounded girl on the street and there began his unbreakable fate with her and her underworld below London.

This is the sort that always attract me. I enjoy reading the adventurous stories and thinking ahead what might happen to the characters in the stories. This one isn't bad, though it moves in a slow temple but finally, the story comes to an end and the ending is pretty satisfying.

I bought this one on Feb.2, 2008. I was atrracted to the plot and considered to purchase it several times before I finally did. But I didn't finish it. Usually it takes me only a week or so to finish a novel.
The first few chapters were great, I couldn't stop reading! I was forced to leave it behind because we were on the holiday for New Year. Then, it was left there untouched for weeks. I tried to read more, but found it difficult to continue. Perhaps I wasn't patient enough or that the story was too controversial to wait for the ending. I jumped to the very end to find out the ending! The protagonist died.....Sad...
I am sure, I will pick where I left one day.

Purchase date: Dec. 6, 2007.
It was about a little boy who was kidnapped by a group of "changelings," the child-like ancient genies. Those changelings needed to kidnap kids and changed their souls with them. So they lived the lives of the kids they kidnapped and the kids became changelings, living in the child-like bodies that would never grow old or aged. Henry, the little boy became a changeling and had been trying hard to get his identity back. In the meantime, the one who stole Henry''s body had working hard on how not to let the family found out the truth. Time passed, years went by, The identities were formed and everything was irrecoverable.
It was an interesting story. I was hoping that the boy would get his body and identity back. But he didn't. At the end, he chose to live in his "Changeling" identity forever.

The book is like telling us that even we are not who we are to others. People would just expect us to be the ones they thought we were!

Purchase date: Nov. 3, 2007
Strongly recommend this book. The plot was so exciting and fascinating! The mysterious, puzzled narration drove me digging deeper until the moment the answers revealed!
It was about a famous author who kept a dark, secretive past. Although she was known as the great Vida Winter, but no single one knew her real identity. Until one day, she decided to tell the truth about her past and asked a young biographer, Margaret Lea to write her memoir.
It was the time, when every clue fell into the place where it ought to be!
A story about Twins and Twins' love.
To us, non-twin. It is about the unreachable half that we may be loning for or searching for the entire life.

Purchase date: Aug. 10, 2007.
Didn't finish this one, either!
The narrator was the Death itself. It drew my attention at the beginning. Thinking when it was going to take away this little girl's life, or how special was she that she could always skip its fatal hand.
I think, it is because the book is in the wartime. Things in the wartime are very depressing!
Like " My sister's keeper" The background is about sickness, disease. Of course, it trys to convey something bigger than that. The whole atmosphere was just so suffocating~~~

Besides, my interest in novels, I've always wanted to read more books about theories. I enjoy the moment when I figure out the great philosophical ideas. But it takes too much time and I can't really enjoy the flow of the narration in the books. So....well... got to try harder!!

Photos reference: http://www.google.com/



Because I said so !

Don't know how to start putting words on this one.
I guess it was the motherhood issue that attracted me at the first place.
There was another recently viewed. Volver by Penelope Cruz.
I love that one better !!
The whole plot is better placed and organized.
Also about motherhood.
A self-helped soul searching, maybe??
I never be able to avoid being attracted by those mother-daughter movies or books.
Not yet a Mom. Definately a mom-well-prepared-in-theory


Married Women-----HOOD

Mom called me one afternoon to remind me of what I should remember to prepare for the prayer. Going to the temple on certain days is a ritual in many Taiwanese families.
Before, my mom would do everything for the family.
She knows every particular date. Dates to set food to worship the ancestor, dates for grandparents' dead birthdays. When to go to temples to pray, what to prepare, how to say your prayer to Gods.
This year, she called to make sure that I did the same. Only it was for my own sake!
Conventionally, we make extra prayers according to the Chinese year we have.
I am a horse. And I need to make extra prayer this year.

Getting older decreases my mom's memory and she called me several times to remind me of the steps that I should notice and follow. Actually, I was a little bit annoyed by her phone call at first, thinking how stupid it was to do it under certain form. I'd alreday got my ideas and had decided to do it my way! I thought, it was a prayer to God, in which that would only require nothing but your whole-hearted sincerity. So, I was annoyed to be forced to do the ways she considered it right! However, I didn't say much to my mom this time, didn't show her how annoyed I was ! I just said I would do it and hung up.
I understand her mind, knowing that she wants me to learn all this convention stuff because now I am married and soon in a few years, I will have my own kids and it is important that I carry on the tradition. That's my mom's expectation of what a good married woman is like.
Being a good married woman gains reputation that benefits not only to the woman herself but also to her family as well , for such a great achievement her parents have achieved to bring up a courteous, understanding and measurement-knowing-how daughter !

My mom's expectation, NOT MINE~~
I don't think I can avoid practising rituals in my married life. But I do believe, I have power over the convention I want to adopt and under what forms and pattern I prefer!!


The incident before Chinese New Year has safely come to the end

Mr. Huang had kept his promise and so, I had visited my parents during Chinese New Year as I'd planned.
We even spent the last two days of the holiday joining a trip with my cousin and extended family

The first-year experience with my in-laws was not as scary as I thought it would be.
There wasn't much emotional swing occured!
The truth was, I was sorrowful for a bit while but the feeling went away quickly for I was too busy to brood it on.

Thing about catering business is, you have to work harder to make more money while others have their days off and have time to spend more money outside their working fields.
So, we were incredibly busy during Chinese New Year. There were piles of different food materials to be prepared.

Carrots, turnips, mushrooms waited to be sliced. Chickens to be cleaned, Fish to be scaled. Lambs to be chopped ! Utensils, napkins and hundreds of plates and bowls.

No time to take a rest because the works never seemed to be done enough!
Orders were placed over the phone calls, one after another, ringing the hooks off.
Some wanted only one or two courses, the other wanted a table.

That was not enough, we had to set a stand in day market to sell the cooked dishes. For many housewives were lazy to prepare the big meal and they would want to buy prepared food.

We spent 5 days with my hubby's family working hard and at the third day, Mr. Huang gave up his own wishful thinking that he wanted to spend the whole holiday with his family and said he would definately keep his promise to me.

I think, if we hadn't been that busy, I would have missed my family so much and felt so sorrowful.
Physical torment is easier to get over with than mental one !!

The incident has come to a happy ending and I appreciate Mr. Huang for keeping his promise.

Marriage life does challenge my feministic belief. Still, I believe there are ways to make my marriage life better in the ways that fit better to my ideals!!!

Keep going Gingie !!!


Let's Wait and See

The first incompatibility in my marriage has temporarily suspended in balance. After the negotiation, we've reached an agreement of my right on parent visitation.
However, no conclusion should be made so far because I still have doubts over the promise.
It is hard to tell what kind of businessman Mr. Huang is?

The process on the negotiating table was ugly, two people who claimed to be in love and took the marraige vow, had fought with the dirtiest words ever.

I think, every argument damages the marriage somehow and becomes irrecoverable. It will leave a hole and accumulate until one day the hole gets so big and breaks the marriage!
No wonder that the divorce rate is so high ! High divorce rate doesn't mean that true love nowaday is cheap or isn't cared by the young people. It only shows that how assertive women have become and that, women no longer want to take any unreasonable repression in marriage.

I won't say that I've won over the conflict with Mr. Huang. It is not about win or lose!
It is about that since Mr. Huang's wife isn't weak in mind, which she has never been. He should know better that it is time to adapt his pace over his old chauvinistic thinking of married women and so he can be lucky to still be married to a smart woman!


To Show the Art of the Marriage relies on Conflict Management

The turbulence in marriage has arrived earlier than I had expected. I have always been clearly aware of the insecure, awkwardness in the relationship between mother and daughter-in-law. Because of my own relationship with my mother, I've never really looked forward to a closer connection in mother and daughter-in-law. Keeping a decent distance is my strategy!! (It is a fortune that we live 4 hours driving distance away)

Always being polite and applying with courtesy!! (It isn't like talking to your own mother. To your mom, you can reveal the real you without faking anything behind the mask)

Friends who are already in marraiges have suggested me to use husband as the buffer when communicating with mother-in-law. They said, it would defer the direct friction and create a safe zone for the future's sake. So far, I think, I can't agree less with it!

But, to get between wife and mother does make Mr. Huang feel like living in hell. It is easy to corner him to a dead end without realzing it! (though I am clear of this, I can't help but keep doing it in the opposite)

So, it becomes crucial how well a wife can play her role and ,at the same time, get the ways she wants and things she insists on.

Have I become a wife who can manage the skill of a smart wife yet?
I don't have the high EQ to be nice cat and mean cat at the same time!!!

My Mr. Huang just took his mom's side and decided to sacrifice my right on paying a visit to my parents during Chinese New Year. (So, I have declared my right and gave words that he will have to go home alone without me)

Traditionally, like how western people celebrate Christmas, we Taiwanese will get together to have a nice, big meal on Chinese New Year's Eve.
Then, after, the day of Lunar New Year, married women will visit their parents and spend a day.

Mr. Huang's family is in Catering business. They will be busy on Chinese New Year.(I can totally understand the situation and the importance of being a helpful hand) Because more and more families think it is too tiring to prepare dinner and will simply call out for the catering food.
So, Huang's four married daughters will be home on the second day of Chinese New Year holidays to help out the business.

I'll say it is good to have so many daughters and son-in-laws to be so helpful when it is hard to hire workers during Chinese New Year.

But to deprive my right from the tradition and ask me to help out while all their daughters are home with their parents and ME, stay in Huangs to help out instead of going home being a good daughter is totally , TOTALLY N-O-T Negotiable

How's this fair?
How can I put up with this archaic, foul idea !!

The plan we had before the argument was to be at Huang's three days before Chinese New Year's Eve.
So, if we followed the old plan, we would be helpful enough for plenty of works.

To be reasonable and think the best interests of Mr. Huang is Huangs problem to be concerned. They should know if they forced thier son to stick around and help, they would put thier son to the edge away from THE GOOD SON-IN-LAW zone.

It could sabotage not only the intimacy with his wife but the relationship with all the in-laws on his wife side!!

How smart will Huangs be? I don't know !!!

We just had the argement and this conflict is left without any conclusions!
I think, I'll just have to wait and see.
Being calm is by far the step I can think of!
I wish I could have talked to someone about it.

Alas, I have chosen this marriage and to marry this man and now, it is my problem to learn how to stick to it!

Orelse what, Gingie?



What exactly is this tracking number stands for?

Which website should I be checking in?
The address is correct.
Even checked with the local post office
Still..........my books~~~NO WHERE TO BE SEEN

I need my books ~~~~IMMEDIATELY~~~
It is really frustrating to expect books for so long~~


Tokyo, Japan

Japan is a wonderful choice for many newly-weds to go for honeymoons. One, no visa is needed, it'll save some money out of budget. Second, Japan is famous for its culture, good manners and cleaness, so no need to worry about the being robbed on the street, it is totally safe to travel there. Third, I got married in the wintertime and Japan has many hot spring spots to steam up the erotic passion. HA~~~

What attracted me more was Hokkaido, the far north in Japan. The sightseeing tours in Hokkaido are all scheduled for hot springs, seafood buffet, hot springs, seafood buffet and more hotspings.

But, then, my hubby's friend back in the army was going to Japan for the honeymoon, too. We, then, decided to join them in the same trip to Tokyo. Everything was new and fresh!!We arrived there around 4 pm in the afternoon, and since Japan's daytime is much shorter. It was already dark everywhere, though the day was still very young.
The weather was cold. It was only 33.8 Fahrenheit, Much colder than Taiwan and was dryer.The first night schedule was loose! We went to a shopping mall for dinner and was mislead by our tourguide to get lost in the bus tracks. Our tourguide was nice, but wasn't sharp enough sometimes. We were supposed to take the hotel trolley back to hotel that we stayed, but we got on the wrong hotel trolley and stopped at a train station. Night life in Japan is poor.

In Taiwan, many stores open up until 12 am.

In Japan, stores simply close around 9-10, some close earlier! We were forced to stick around the station for the next connecting hotel trolley back to our hotel!

The first morning from hotel's window.
We watched the news in bed to know there was snow in Tokyo and opened the window to find the surprise.
It was my first encounter with snow.
Too excited to care about how bloated I was.

The first morning's plan was heading toward the mountain areas around Tokyo.
Here, we stopped at a tourist service center.Vending machine isn't a new invention.
But to see so many together in a shop was definately an eye-opening scene.Many different flavors of coffee and brands of tea. Hot ones. Cold ones.
Even the food machine which you could get the steaming food from it.

The particular square setting was the front door of the temples. When seeing this, you could expect a temple somewhere near it

During out trip in Tokyo, we visted several famous temples. They were all so sacred and devine.

Beatiful architecture.

There were fountain places like this one near every temple. For worshipers to clean their hands with the spring water and to rinse their mouths too. Don't understand why rinsing the mouth before going into the temple. Anyway, people don't swallow the water but instead to spit it.

These two scary statues were two Gods.

One was supposed to the Thunder God. While the other was the Wind God. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to tell apart which one was which?

This was taken on our way to our second night hotel.

The Fuji Mountain.

It was so SO beautiful.
The tourguide said, we were lucky to see it without clouds around. Most of the time, people would miss it due to the bad weather. Even with the good weather could disturb the view.

Before we went for the hot springs. We tried on the traditional custume, which is called, YUKADA.

It is like the bathrobe.

When we were about to leave our second morning, it happned to be snowing outside.

The snow wasn't big enough to be spotted.

Another temple visit!!

This one was bigger and more sacred than others.
In Japan, they have the regular temples for ordinary people and ones for kings only.
This one was for kings.
We ran into someone who served in the temple. I guess, he was going to hold a ceremony or something, but was asked by many tourists for photos.

Tokyo Tower. We had our lunch in the basement of it.

I like this temple better because it was like our temples in Taiwan. Around it, there were vendors and shops for snacks and souvenirs.

This Japanese sushi chef was cute and shy.
The raw sushi was so delicious!
Expensive too. We didn't have enough time to dulge our appetite.

Disneyland, the forth day of the trip.
We stayed over 12 hours in this wonderland.
We got up early to line up for the entry and found out that lots of others got up much earlier than us did.
I forgot how long did we line up for the entry.
Time went by while we were chatting, feeling excited about the facilities inside.
The weather was still cold then.

Seeing many Japanese families there to get ready for fun. For all tourists, we used the one-day visit pass. But, according to our tourguide, some Japanese love Disneyland so much that they bought the year pass to be there anytime they want.
And I did see some of them using the card pass, not the paper pass.

Exotic castle! Somewhat European. Don't you think?

For the first 8 hours, I was smiling non-stop like a kid. WOW~~~ at this and that. Tried on every kids favorite facilities.
Such as this one. The Turning Cups.

The Western Area.
We did stay there for over 12 hours.
Unfornately, I didn't make it to the Cartoon Town to take a picture with Mickey or Minnie or Donald Duck.....Alas!!!

Humungous Smoked Turkey legs~~~~
It smelled so good~~~
My hubby couldn't resist it and so we bought two.
It wasn't juicy. Dry and not juicy.
So... I took a few bites and left it all to my husband.

The big show in Disneyland is, there will be a parade almost everyday at 2 pm.
The time we took this picture wasn't even 2pm.
It was maybe 1:30 or something.
However, lots of Japanese had put out their picnic pads on the floor and occupied on the sides of the parade route.
We were so impressed how organized they were and couldn't help take this piciture.
Of course, people gathered up quickly in a short time, when we finally decided to find a spot, there weren't good ones to take.

I am sure, poeple who work in Disneyland always work in delight.
The parade lasted for about 30 minutes.
All the characters in the parade sang along the way to the end.
We, audience just cried out WOW~~~~
HA HA HA .......WOW....HA HA HA
That's Micky. Minnie

Peter Pan~~~~

Snow White.
It was great to see this famous character.
But....I think, this Snow White was a bit too old.
I was happy still though
Disneyland is sure a wonderland.
Lots of little girls dressed up like princesses.
It was too bad, they didn't sell princess custume for adults.

The last morning before we departured.
We went to MINATO station.
Here we took a monorail.
This monorail in Japan was so special.
It was like cable car, only the monorail in Japan used a magnet track to hold the roof of the car.
So, basically, the car slided under a sky bridge with its bottom floating.

Time to say goodbye. We were at NARITA airport.
Overall impression over Japan was good.
The only flaw was, it was difficult to find a bilingual tourist guides.
Everything was in Japanese.
They should put up more bilingual signs to help the tourist.
Chinese is definately a better option.
But at least more English signs to help out.
I like Japan.
I think, I will visit it soon again with my husband.