My New Lover


I never knew keeping a dog would bring me so much happiness. Being a dog-lover, I had always wanted one, but never had chance to. About 3 months ago, my hubby and I suddenly had this idea wanting to adopt a dog to fill in the void.

Part was because I had to work away from home and we thought keeping one could keep Angus company. One other reason was because we really love dogs, whenever we saw someone walking his/her dog on the street, we two would approach near like some kinky psychoes and tried to play with their dogs without even looking at the owners. I know how odd it sounds, how eccentric our behavior was, but we couldn't help doing it. We love dogs so much~~~

What triggered us to take our action was one late night, we were parking our car near a park. There was one gold retriever taking its leak in it. Angus told me to take a look. (We always signals each other when we see a cute dog.) When he told me to do so, I was shocked a bit because I saw no humans in the park, then I saw the dog and found out the dog was all alone by itself.

That old dog was taking its time sniffing around and marking it territory. At first, we just wanted to get close to it to pat it a bit. Angus, somehow, had this horrible thinking suggesting that the dog might have been deserted by its owner and said how nice it would be if we could just bring it home and earned ourselves a free dog.

Then, under the illusive spell, we started to tempt it with some snack we just bought.

This gold retriever was a smart one, not only didn't it let us pat it, but it also kept running away when we fished it with snack. It ran, we chased~~~~ It hid, we sought~~~~ Block to block, we followed.

Although, I would have loved it so much if we could have just taken it home, I still knew how crazy it was to take home an old dog. Besides, it's so big that we couldn't possibly felt comfortable with it in our little apartment.

We had been chasing that dog for about 30 minutes, at last, he gave in to my husband's great force and let him touch it, it refused to take a bite on what we offered though.

While my silly husband were reaching his full-of-bad-idea hand toward the dog, he felt the name tag on dog's collar.

I was so released when I heared there was a tag on the dog, Angus called but no one answered. We tried to read the address on the tag and realized the dog lived around the neightborhood.

It turned out that it was let out to take a leak only and ran into 2 crazy people who tried to take it away from its sweet home.~~~~

That was when we decided to have one on our own. A puppy, of course!!

We did some research to see what breed suit us better.

I love large-size dogs; such as, Gold retrievers, labs, huskeys....etc. While Angus prefers some breeds like; bull dogs, dachshund and so on.

We both love Pembroke Welsh Corgi because of its large ears, round face and short legs. It is so cute when it is a puppy and cuter when it grows up.

So, we looked around to see who wanted to give away their puppies for adoption. After making a few phone calls, we learned that those who posted on the internet for puppy adoption charged adopters for money because they were afraid puppies would fall into bad hands. (There have been news about animal abuse.)

Later, we bought Pineapple. It was 39-day-old when we brought it home. I was so excited to have it with us, nervous at the same time since I had no experience at all.

I bought a book about this particular breed, tried to tolerate the foul smell when I had to clean its poo at first (Now, I get used to it all right) ~~

Now it has been living with us for nearly 3 months, we still receive calls from the seller. (He is a good breeder, he was so worried that it might not survive in our hands)

Today, I took it to the vet for its third vaccine. It is perfectly healthy and very energetic.

It is like us too. We were so surprised when we found out that pets are like their owners.

It is a greedy eater, never stop asking for food and gets angry when its appetite isn't satisfied. Hehehe.....too many funny things to tell.

I love my Pineapple.

I am happy that it becomes one member of the family now. In the future, when Angus and I have our baby, it will still be the big brother in the rank, I suppose.~~Ha~~~


Hopelessly Positive / Habitually Negative

How we are brought up by our families with the primary domestic education, plus schooling and social experiences help determine our temperaments and personalities. Some part of us may change over time through different age phases out of the clashes with inspiring new ideas and conceptions, however, some may never change because those characteristics are rooted in our genes. I believe this theory saying that some are born to be more optimistic than others.

Under the imprinted influence from my mom, my brother and I are constanly in low moods. Because our rooted causes are the same, our melancholy developes pretty much in the same ways, too. Basically, my brother is walking on my past path. When he vented, he told me so and so and asked if I could understood him. I felt sorry and powerless in giving him more comfort because I have never been well out of her negativity and complaints. Her negativity is like a big magnet keeping us closely attached. The gravity is so great that nomatter how hard we attempt to pull away, it will drag us back to the very beginning and cause our endeavors in vain.

I know I can't give up trying. The gene will be carried down to next generation, if I don't make any changes. Things work better for me because I seek helps from self-helped book once in a while to pull myself out of negativity. I think, the thinking pattern is changable. Hard, though!! But definitely changable!

One theory I learned from those books says that: "Language is powerful, if one hopes for something good to happen, positive language will lead one to it." I believe what it says!!

I tried a few times and they all worked out well. Positive language has power to bring one's mind in activating one's action. It really can make something nice you wish for comes true.

Even though, I keep the faith in believing the possibility of changing thinking patterns and knowing what positive language might lead my life to be. I, sometimes, still hold doubts on those who are being overly positive in every aspect of their lives. I would, at that moment, ask myself: "Am I too negative and judgmental or are they thinking too highly of themselves?"

That's really confused and contracditory!! I long to change into someone brighter, but when I hear one talks too well of him/herself. I would secretly wonder: " You!! / Are you sure?"

Take my hubby's family for example. They were born to be optimistic (because my mom-in-law is very good at sweet talks) and very content to the surroundings and encounters they have and meet. They are very grateful to the family they were born in. The spouses they own, the kids they're raising!!

I am sure, I was attracted to this trait of my hubby. I vaguely remember how I was amazed to his brightness.

Whenever he mentions his family; he would say, "My mom's cooking is incomparable. My bro-in-law is smart and tentative. My elder sister is good at hosting.....blah blah blah." (Later, I found out that there are always certain degrees of incongruity.)

I always feel a bit uncomfortable about it !! His sises, my in-laws are the same as well. Everytime we meets, I will have to listen to their highly compliment about their husbands or kids.
"Don't you think my hubby is wonderful? Everyone says he is smart, a really good husband and a father. I am really lucky to have him. Isn't he handsome or what!"

What wrong with me? I know I suppose to appreciate the good aura they create, to fill me good words in the ears. Is it healthy to be like this? Isn't it a bit annoying to hear nothing but good words, nice words and praises? Or am I too deeply abused by foul language?

I guess that was how I was fooled into the love trap my hubby set. Because he says nice things about me too! He likes to say how attractive I am. ( I feel so bloated and ugly of myself though) How sexy I am. ( That's something I never thought me to be) He likes my voice, too!! ( only this is something that I later found out some men were attracted to my voice. Weird!! I do think my voice has some power to attract audience in listening to me.)

Well....I had never been treated like that before I met my hubby. No one ever told me how well I did. They only told me what I should have done more! My mom only said how wrong I was for not doing this and that. So, before, if I heard someone praised me for what I achieved or how I was, I told myself they were just being polite in saying so. I didn't take compliments seriously ori would get suspicious of their intention in saying so.

Oh! ~~It is so painstaking.
Keep the faith!!


Who Cares?

Birds are chirping.
I am talking.
Who's listening?


I'm getting older for babies, but I still in the middle of self searching.

Can't ease my throbbing nerves after watching my favorite program today. It is one which discusses about all sorts of current issues relates to life matters. Today, they were talking about "Having babies.

I am recently brooding over this question too and their discussion has lighten a clearer picture out of my mind.

Anyhow, the major reason that induced the whole show today was because one of the guests is healthily pregnant with twins at her age of 45. She is a best-seller writer in Taiwan and hosts for several TV programs. Her pregnancy was quite a shocking news to those of her readers and audiences because for a really long time, those who know her would have thought she was a not-having-babies-ever kind of woman. However, her planned pregnancy makes everyone jaw-dropped and wonder WHY? WHY? What changed her mind?

Along with her, there were 2 other female guests on the show, one senior feministic author, the other a resident doctor in Psychology. These 3 women are highly-educated, mature, successful, sensible, at high social status and perfectly understand what they want in lives and try hard on getting them. They represent the great female power from different eras. Even though, they have been successfully devoting their female powers to prove women a marvelous gender, they still can't get away from the question over their primitive physical function, "When to have a baby to prove that you are a real woman?"

That's it !! The scariest question ever! The most dreadful question to those who can't get enough time for their career and their freedom. This question will follow them tightly once they walked down the aisle. No one will ever let go off this question until she gets pregnant to prove others that her physical function is fine and perfect as it was designed for.

Thus, their discussion and peculiar, singular ideas toward "Women and their procreation!" and " Is life reproduction a fulfillment for women" have comforted my worries! As women, they were once at the cross roads like I am now. However, they have all come a long way here to what they are now and they are satisfied with their decisions and choices. Of course, one of them is pregnant now at high age for pregnancy, and the doctor still gets some chances before the biological clock stops. Only the senior one who is happy with her life now, somehow, recalled her colorful youth, still wondering; would she have ever grasped the opportunity if, then, she had had the chance with a right man besides her?

The show had come to conclusions that--1, to get pregnant at older age isn't impossible, but the pre-preparation is important. 2, women's versatility shouldn't be neglected, one's life still lies in one's hand. 3, having a baby or not is a very important question in women's lives, how to keep a good balance between career, freedom, and having a baby will always be a catch-22. Because our bodies are attached with biological clocks.

Oh! so what changed that writer's mind to make her want to take the risk at such a high age?
She said; she had always been a planner for her career and life decision. She wasn't so fond of kids before because of her family issues and she thought that life was too short and unpredictable. Her husband was the same. Both of them were the risk takers and enjoyed the lives as much as they could. After experiencing so much; such as the extreme excursions to north and south poles. She found nothing in her life could have been more completed. That was how she was hit with a lightening thought and thereafter stepped on her journey to the motherhood.

My case is pretty much the same! I haven't gotten enough of my freedom and free will over my life. I had a really hard childhood and embarrasing teenage period, rough love life in college, a lonely single for 8 years and never felt rich enough with extra cash. But now, I finally feel wonderful and happy in life. I have a respectable job, not well-paid enough but room for improvement. I am satisfied with my marriage life, feel secure and stable, enjoying the life for two and happily being a workday single when I have to live 100 miles aways from my hubby 3 days a week. How delightful it is!!
But time is chasing after me and people are being pushy and over-concern over my marriage life.

I can't explain my state of mind because they won't understand much of why a married woman needs to think much on having babies or not? That is true! I can't say out loud that I need more personal space for my free will and I don't want to lose my freedom just now. Why can't I be a married woman for a few years before I am more certain of it?
So, why do I do to face other's concern? I pretend, I blend into the conversation. I try to feel interested in the topics. I don't hate kids, I just need more time to reach a level where I feel a safer environment for raising kids.
Perhaps I am wrong, there isn't a perfect condition for baby raising. I can't refuse to listen to my body ticking away my youth. I do know all the consequences and circumstances. I just hate to be pushed the question around.

I just celebrated my first anniversary. But one year has made people think I am barren already!
People are giving suggestions on what to eat, what doctor to go to or how to do the research and get prepared. No one ever asked me, "Are you ready?" " Is your hubby ready?"

I mean, even I am with some physcial conditions, I don't think it isn't something that let there be light and there will be. I don't want to be rush about this.

So, let me keep my fingers crossed, hope everything will happen the way I want. I am sane enough now to face family and friend's concern nicely because I don't know when I will lose sanity and throw everyone a big temper.

God blesses!!


Hate it ~

When you happen to be someone opinionated, it's likely that you attract another to be the same. That's how attraction works sometimes! One's stubborn has another to top it even more! If any discrepancy show up, thing will turn ugly because no one yields!
Each side persists in its own logic and conception and elaborates them though its aspect.
No relation can be harmonious like this~Someone has to compromise, someone has to give in~~
So.....if you take a step back, you have to put up with the resentment for being gagged, the inward struggle has no way out!
Therefore, you monologize every step back to fight for your status in your heart, but you are HUSHED!
Hate it~~


Happy 2009~~