Don't End up Living in the Ivory Tower with Only Imaginary Friends

Tonight, I heard a story from the instructor in school. She told us that, one day, a worker in our school restaurant asked her about a man in white shirt. When our instructor asked her why she asked. She replied, "The man seems a bit quarky and always talks to himself!"

Continually, our instructor told us about his story that ----this man is a math professor. When he first came to our school to teach, he was only a Master degree teacher. After a few years, he decided to go to Germany for the Ph.D and broke up with his GF at that time. Because his GF thought it would be too difficult to get the Ph.D in Germany. It took him many years to get his degree and finally he was back again in campus to teach, but he was never as normal as before. Sometimes, according to our instructor, he would sit alone in the restaurant having his lunch or dinner, laughs or talks happily to himself.

Our instructor explained that, perhaps, he was too involved in his mathematic world that he forgot how to get along with people. If he could have paused a little bit more and looked around, he wouldn't have disconnected to the world around him and ended up alone all by himself in his middle age.

This is not just a sad story, but also a very retrospective one! Maybe I've mentioned before on my blog, how I am scared of the academic world with all fascinating things but might have forced people to sacrifice the youth and time and might end up alone without a family!

The academic paths for us here are quite different from the ones people have in Western countries! At least, from the part I've observed.

There are many people nowadays in Taiwan having Master degrees. Some of them got theirs abroad, some studied in Taiwan. But the qualities vary greatly from the reputation of schools and majors!

However, getting a Ph.D isn't an option for everyone who has a Master. Because it is difficult and many who get them will wait until they are older with a better finance! This only shows how poorly our government is to support the academic study! They would spend tons of money on the high speed train that isn't safe at all or the corrupted national health insurance, but wouldn't willing to help out those who are academic talented. Those who want to get Ph.D need, either to have rich parents or have to wait later on thier lean saving!

Their goals, then, will consume their energy on busing making money and when they finally able to realize their dreams, they would be too old to settle down.

You might wonder why they can't get married first, have families and then continue their studies?

It has something to do with our traditional conventions! Taiwanese conventional values are all about having better lives and making money!

Until now, many parents or either young people themselves would think that it is irresponsible to not making money, leaving your family aside and pursuing your dream in study. They don't find that realistic! They don't see the values of the academic studies, especially on Humanism and Art subjects. The ones that don't make profits.

Therefore, if someone is a Ph.D in Science, Bi0-Tech or Electronics. People would give off the admiration. But if you mentioned, you study in art history or history or like me, literature.

They wouldn't even have a clue about what your major is and how that could help you make more money!

So, the whole cultural background we're facing in Taiwan leave many who are pursuing their higher educations alone facing themselves with their studies and ended up either single forever or psychological mal-funcitoned!

Of course, they are fortunate ones that they have their partners by their sides to understand them and support them spiritually! But I would say, those are fewer and far between!

I, sometimes, asked myself, why I always fancy a life surrounded by books and academic study?

There was one story to this question!
When I was in high school, I had a classmate ( I studed in Catholic Girl's school.) Her parents were both professors in the same Univeristy teaching Geography! When she told me how her parents would do research together or how they've devoted in their studies. I was like, "Wow, that is the life I want!"

I really do, seriously! My parents were like many other else. Mom is a housewife, and Dad is a hard-working worker who works all his life in a rountine way!
I told myself, I ain't going to live myself like myself working on something that never gonna change. It is like a brain-dead functioning on something!

But, seeing a case like the math teacher in our school. I wonder how I would have the courage to continue my dream without a spiritual one around?


Merry Chrismas Everyone, and to ME TOO~~~

Viola~Viola~ I got myself a X'mas gift---A digital Camera!
Well....that is just an excuse to shop around! It isn't even our custom to shop at the Christmas time!!
Anyway, I took a few photos of "this-silly-me!"
It is fun to play on different functions.

Seeing myself with my DAD in it~
(I always do! More like Dad than Mom)

Close up with my chubby face~~~
The lighting is nice though

Oops! Showing the ghost-like eyes.


Moving on to 2007

Year has arrived
without the timing comes in sight.
Thus, I decided to pack you up and
place somewhere inside (me).
No regret for the loss of the time and
neither will I feel a stupid act to cite.
I will be carrying you in my heart as
a part in my life.
(Perhaps) one day, the timing will come and
everything will be right or other way around to
continue my life in a monologizing line.
Either way would be fine!
For I've tasted the bitterness with sweet buds


Waiting for the Full Moon
That is the Beauty of being a Crescent~


Artistic Kind of Sense

Yesterday afternoon, I enjoyed a brief moment in Taching Wine Factory. They owned many forsaken barns, for which they allowed artists to exibit their artworks. Some barns are for free, some charge for the better facilities.

There, I took a short tour in appreciating a famous interior designer, Verner Panton's exhibition while waiting for Nick to open up their barn. Panton is an amazing designer who is bold and audacious about colors. The way he used color impressed me a lot. I really like vivid and warm colors and that's how he used them in the geometry patterns. I don't know much about him, but I learned that he designed funuture and space. He created this remarkable room with stripes in rainbow colors, like a facility that people would put in the arcade for children to explore and have fun. I didn't really know if the room was designed for the purpose to play in. But, I did enjoy myself jumping around in the space for the curved chairs and slanted curved sofa. That was so much fun!!!

The downside was that I didn't have a camera and the friend who went with me forgot to bring hers. So.........(This made me more determined to save some money to get one camera myself!)

Then.....there he was,

Name: Nick Chong
Age: 36 years old
Star Sign: Scorpio
Chinese Year: Pig

An amateur artist specializes in acrylic paiting and digital software.

(Don't know what acrylic really is, actually! Though I was the one to translate his biography)

Mindy took this photo, Nick tried to play cool in the way he was (which he never was) and I followed along, but failed to pretend to be cool and ended up with that constrained smile in me.

The paiting at the left was Nick's favorite. I couldn't remember how he named it. But I called it "Barbie." It was totally his imagination in the lucid figuration. A blode naked woman hung up in the crucified position. A prey in Nick's almighty altar!! (I've already told him about this!)
At the right, which he had sold out 4 copies was very mysterious and hallucinating. Not my favoite, but I like the warm colors.

Amateur photographer Nick had his own peculiar sense of angle. With my nostrils showing~~??? This one piece was interesting! Two hands are holding close for an eye pupil. It was very delicate, if people could take a closer look.

**There are other artists works showing in the same barn too. However, we were there for Nick, so we only took pictures with his works to show him respect.

One of the artists who is from England, he had this strange, and yet very post-modern idea putting lips on an orb. He cut hundreds or thousands of lips from fashion magazine and stuck them on the orb. Very cool, but I couldn't understand why? Also, another orb he made, he stuck hundreds of hands, also cut from the magazines I guess.
He had this extreme characteristic that his pencil sketch was
in a balanced symmetry, but the thing he put together was with the sharpe edges and pointed tips.
I mean, don't people usually consider something round or smooth to be the element for harmonious hues?
So, anyway, his work left a great impression! I liked the sketch he draw very much!

I think, everybody has her/is own artistic sense in her/is particular way and can express her/is idea uniquely. The only thing, I was wondering was; "How do people define plagiarism in art?"
People with ideas cherish their intelletual property! Words are put down become the best evidence to prevent the plagiarism, but artwork? I've seen some well-known artists in Taiwan share the similiar senses in their artworks. Even in this United Exhibition of Nick's, some other artists' works were so eye-familiar to me.
I don't know! If people could provide their reasons, or interpreted thier works in new senses, then perhaps, no such a problem would exist.


Alas ! Attraction !!

I am sleeping with him tonight, but he doesn't know it yet!
<Samantha, Sex and the City>

I am so into you, but you don't know it yet! ------Ginger


One of My Favorite Song

The One that makes me feel like a Bee in the Bubble
Fly Me to the Moon
Fly me to the moon
And let me play among the stars
Let me see what spring is like
On Jupiter and Mars
In other words hold my hand
In other words darling kiss me
Fill my life with song
And let me sing forevermore
You are all I long for
All I worship and adore
In other words please be true
In other words I love you


Shengri Kuaile, Hui-zhen ~

Happy Birthday to ME~
Stay-ing Yang and Sweet~
Happy Birthday to GINGER
A Woman with all but-------SPI-CY


A Complex Day

It's a complex day, not because things were complicated but my feeling for the day was sort of with many feelings in it!

Very early this morning, I got a secret somehow with a dream that gave me a sign beforehand.
The secret turned out to be something that left me with puzzlement, feelings of uncertainty and ambiguity, but also some kind of excitement.

This happens to me a lots, which was, I always dream about something that would foretell the thing happen the next day or some days later. Of course, when I had the dream, even though I remembered the things or objects in it. I would never know what's gonna happen. However, I would prepare myself with cautious attitude and act more carefully! The dream was just giving me a sign of the main object, as to the scenario in the dream would always seem a bit irrelavent and making no sense at all.

Anyway, my mind was circling with that secret all day long! And had no outlet to realease my feeling. Because it is a SECRET~~~

Continue, the final settlement was certain for our CEO. She resigned from her position with everyone's expectation. A new team, including me, will take things over and help running this on-the-edge company.
Though, we grasp our chance, reported her, sent her away. I feel a bit sorry for her.
We knew well enough, she made her own bed to suffer all this. Still......I feel sorry for her.

The new-coming job worries me! My role will be different! Coworkers will see me differently!
How to carry out my power without affecting the old-happy-time-feeling with coworkers will be the first issue to face.
Tonight, when one coworker knew what I will be! His said this to me, "I am not afraid of you!"
What did that suppose to mean?
I am sure to be in the new team, but I don't know what I will be responsible for. Besides, nobody needs to be afraid of me! I don't bite! I will just do what I will have to do! I won't deny that I'll possibly favor those who get along well with me. So...... "I'm not afraid of you!"

????????? If this cowoker was on my black list, then I would definately take that as intimidating challenge! But....as always..... the flaw in my personality, I am very coward when it comes to the matter relate to people I care for. That's very strange!

Another thing that piled up my complex feeling was------
I finally gave in and broke the ice calling my mom. I don't have too much to say about this part.
Because every family has its own issue! My family has its too.
Acting cool to your own mom wasn't a winning gesture. Besides, I called first!!
I'll have my way to anybody I want to, and stay as cool as I want to be, cruel as I feel like to.
But, my mom is the only one that has the power to turn me into a whirl of turmoil or tornado!
And there is nothing I can do about it~

The one and only blissful thing today was talking to my PIGGY for the first time in about 6 months.
Piggy is my best friend since 13. (I won't say how long we've known each other!)
Why is she called, "Piggy"? Well, I am Piggy, too.
We call each other Piggy since we were kids. Stupid? I don't know!
She moved to States when she was 18. I still remembered how hard I cried! Ha~~~~~
Though, we don't email each other or MSN each other so frequently as the old time. (We are just two grown ups who are busying about our lives!)
But the feeling never change! The feeling that sustains our friendship!
She got married in States in April, I wasn't able to be there to say Congratulations. But........I'm sure, she knows in her heart that I am happy for her with all my heart.
She is in South Carolina. I have one good classmate in Ireland, UK.
Isn't that great! To have friends around the world that might help you with the potential stays in your future journeys. HAHAHA~~~~

You're the happy thing happened to me today, Babe Piggy~


When no body wants you to be the position that you are in!

One of the thing that has occupied some of my time is the affair in the office of where I work.
Since I am the senior consultant in this language center, the affairs that go on in this center has always under my sincere concern. This workingplace has become one of my focus in life for about 4 years or so.

Couldn't remember when, but since I was the rookie, the CEO we have now has been working there. So, basically she has been there as long as I am.
However, she has never been a good leader ever since she took over the job, and has brought the center down to the very bottom with many never-been-able-to-solve problems.

Before, our recent manipulative rebellion started. I've made up my mind to leave this place for other work at the end of the year. So I wouldn't feel too insecure to worry about my living.

But as unpredictable as things always are! Our Personnel department director in the center had reported the situation to the board of directors and asked for the reform to save the center from being closed down. So, here we are, a group of present staff ready to take over the positions for the reformable actions.

Wow~~~ it was never in my plan to be included as a team member.
And it somehow gives me a drifted feeling that seems like floating on a boat with a beautiful image ahead, but no certainty future with success.

I am always a loner in my career. Maybe "Loner" is a harsh word. But, I mean, I am always my own master in my career. I get hourly pay working as a language consultant, only responsible for the clients I face to. I never is a member of a team nor am I a leader in any way.
I really prefer to work alone and be my own master of my performance. (Is it a selfish thinking?)
But, now, the situation has come to a point where I need to provide my opinion no longer as an information collector, but a member in a team who can be creative enough to help getting projects carrying on!
What a great responsibility! And I can't be sure if I had the ability to cooperate as a team member.

Somewhere in my heart, I still preserve the possibility of keeping a backup plan for myself in case the revolutional action might be thrown down with a more powerful force.

It's about Taiwanese business culture which people always have this invisible ranks in their hearts over the values of oneself could be.
A group of us without any powerful related backgrounds, we need a great entrusted power behind us to support us moving ahead.
( Because usually the higher positions holders always give seconds chances to people like them, but people lower than them!)

So, I am afraid, if the board of direcotors gives our CEO a second chance regardless her bad performance that goes on 4 years, then we will be dead very soon!

May God be with us and gives me the power to keep my faith to trust my team and believe in myself to be able to play a helpful role in the team !!!!


Do you celebrate the holiday, if you are not........

Recently I am busy with many things, none of them are about anything academic, for which always have a place in my heart, but never get a chance to get myselft doing it. One thing that got me so excited these days was the Web TV. One of my coworker told us a website where we could go to and watch some channels from US., German and China without paying. Ha~~~~
(You need to pay the Web TV in Taiwan)

As a faithful TV person! I can't deny that I love to watch TV. I just love it so much.
TV or movie are very good ways to learn not just the news and information but also the cultures and politics, especially cultural issues.

I have been watching this web TV like crazy when I didn't have to work.
Last Thursday was the Thanksgiving Day, the whole holiday seemed more like a week thing in the US but a one-day holiday. Every channel was talking about Thanksgiving and the weekend that went with it. They talked about the Black Friday and Shopping fever.

That was crazy, compare to Taiwan. We have this crazily shopping fever goes on once in about 3 months. But the target comsumers will be the women. One time, I wanted to talk about this part on my blog, but then felt too embarrased to mention it. ( I am one of the crazy comsumers somehow, but can't bring myself to admit that)
Seeing the phenomenon in US, I think, what we do here are really no big deal !
How could people get up 5 in the morning to shop?
Why didn't we think of that? Will people be willing to get up so early to go shopping? (NO WAY)
There are always stores open 24 hours or long long hours a day. Why bother?

Anyway, this is totally not relevant to my topic.
Last Thursday, one day eariler than US time. Me and my coworker were sort of celebrating Thanksgiving after work in the office. There was no big dinner with a big big turkey on it! (We are Asians, we love Chickens better)
One of the coworker treated everybody the red wine and some other provided the nice biscuit and snack. We were drinking happily and wished people "Happy Thanksgiving."
But the thing was, we were Taiwanese! Why bother wishing each other that?
In fact, we were just getting together to gossip and the night happened to be Thanksgiving and so....... we just followed the flow to say something that didn't mean anything to us.
What's more was, I never really realized that "Thanksgiving" is US thing. Canadians celebrate theirs in October, but November. The strange thing was, my canadian coworkers still celebrating the holiday with people from the same country! ( I guess, they feel lonely as foreigners in Taiwan and just use the holiday to get together with their country people.)

Taiwanese are like that, too. We celebrate Holloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas. Those are not out holidays, since no-body-knows-when, people stop celebraing many of our country holidays.
We celebrate US holidays. About 2 years ago, people start celebraing St.Patrick Day.
What has that to do with us? That's probably not American holiday, but Canadian!

The only holiday that is ours and we care so much is the Chinese Valentine's Day! Because we celebrate Western holiday as well. People in Taiwan celebrate 2 lover's day a year.
How FRUSTRATED for those who are single??

The possible reason why people stop celebrating our traditional holidays has something to do with Politics. Everything has something to do with politics in Taiwan.
Since we are now governed by a party which wishes Taiwan to be indepedent. Those politicians are trying hard to erase the things that will relate us to China. And for many of our old holidays, they are the serious holiday try to remember some of the great leaders.
It is sad that, some of them were considered the great national heroes in the history books when I was a kid. But now, they are criticized for putting Taiwan in a position that would never able to recover to an international status.

Why I said "sad" was just an expression! It didn't represent my feeling in anyway.
The older I grow, the more I understand, I start to believe that many thought-to-be-true historical reality or facts were in fact a fabricated facts edited by the invisible controler to know how to manipulate the audience.
I forget what theory I read! But I am sure about what I say now.
It is so scary~~~~~~
Nothing from the Media should be trusted by people with entire hearts because the purpose behind the screen contains something beyond our believes.

Well... it's enough for today. I am going back to watch my web TV.
I'll screen the media authenticity myself!


Girls Watch Out

What do you provide?
A comfy love or passionate love?
If you provide a comfy love, you're in a safety net.
If you burn your love with passion, it might lead you to death.


A Smothered Bond

A Smothered Bond
Do not fancey the bliss bond!
For our fate has doomed to become.
I can't make you to meet my needs,
nor can I betray myself to reach your expertise!
Being your colone with a life ahead that leads to a different end.
Two tracks that never run across, though, still believing, one day,
they will run on the same path, on a different time base.
What should I do to continue the lineage
letting myself drown in the illusioned myth?
It's never about a winning game!
But a telephathy that has been diconnected from
the moment
I fought hard for a second chance.
Could the blasphemous love I offend be the doom to the love I try to obtain?


Passing the Bedtime

Thinking of you and following my heart
Calling you "Babe" and falling hard
Mind drifting away with bubbles picturing the lovely buds
Happily wishing, one day, they will blossom large
Let them be red, let them be blue,
let them be whatever color that'll fulfill me full
It's you ! It's you ! It's you !
I'm seeing you in my eyes and seeking myself through you



或許你所問的問題並沒有特別的意思, 但是它卻留下了無限的可能性~~
我因為你無心的一個問題, 激起心中無限的漣漪
希望此漣漪可以波波相連, 變成火花, 燃起你心中的愛~
Let us pray, and may GOD bless us~


Can't Sleep!

How should I know who's the target to be?
Is there a mark? Some sort of coincidence? Or my heart to follow?
From thousands passer-bys,
with endless sparkles that shine, who will be one to lit the fire?
The fire not be the fire that rocks, nor the one that flames hard,
but the fire that'll last forever!
How could I activate the power?
Will two souls draw to each other like Yin and Yang?
Or will they flow naturally into one like a big band river?
Who controls this power of mystique?
Or does it simply act on its own out of the nature's order?
Life is as agnostic as Agnosticism is to be~


Vicky's last Day

Don't know why people change their jobs so often, we've been saying farewell to people every month. Many business change incredibly fast in Taiwan, no one is willing to give her/is job a try to see how far and well it might be developed into! The whole business ecology in Taiwan gives people a great pressure to success in a short time, so it isn't difficult to meet someone who might have been in different fields as a salesperson, but s/he could hardly know the essense of the business s/he was into.
This is Vicky, once, our sales representative. We are both Sagittarius and share a lots in common. Sometimes, I just tell people how I should be less candid and genuine to the new comers because when you started getting close to them, they are about to say "Goodbye."
Of course, that's how life is all about! You carry on your own with your friendship with them survive somehow in other forms. Maybe not as close as before, but definately goes on with the good memories you've built. Also, you will continue your life meeting new people and be their friends.

Tall Vicky is about 5 feet 9. I have to wear 3 inches high heels to get close to her.

She complaint about her round face and thought it would look smaller by pulling her face a bit distance from mine.

This is Miya Jan. A man with a good nature and is very romantic. He bought a bouquet of flowers to Vicky to say good bye to her.

But, a moment slipped away! He has turned into a BIG BAD WOLF~
(Sgebe Miya Jan, dirty Japanese man)
Many behaviors of him could have become a potential harrassement lawsuit in Western culture. Ha~~~
I once threaten to cut his finger off!
Though, I know most of his behaviors are harmless.

Nick Chong and Me.
Born in States, Father is Chinese, Mother's ancestry from Spanish and Phillipine. Nick looks either Chinese nor Phillipino.

I am wondering how people adopt their identities, if their parents are from totally irrelevant cultural backgrounds.
Do they adopt their mothers or fathers?

I think, they should adopt both!
But when I asked Nick the question.
He said, he doesn't have an identity.
He is always like that! Being a thick-faced and making bad jokes about himself.
Sometimes people asked him why he is an American, because their sterotype is Americans are either Black or White.
Nick would say, he is a mutt. I know how unpleasant it sounds and I can't deny sometimes I name him with it. But it is the thing I have with Nick, and he wouldn't take it personally!


Feeling Obligated to But Unable to

I was occupied by different things around me recently that kept me away from spending time on my blog! The primary event was one family issue that still now ongoing. My brother and I were against my mom for the decision she made. Since my mom only has me and my brother, she has no ally to support her and my dad is the issue we were arguing about. But it is too private and so I have no intention to talk about that here.

Also, I am reading an incredibly long novel called, "Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norell by Susanna Clarke." It is a long novel over 1000 pages and is known as one of the best magician books after Harry Potter. The writing style is more like Gothic and Jane Austine. So, I think it might take me forever to finish the book.
I am curious about the story and have made up my mind to find out what it is about!
I love reading stories or knowing stories or even just listening to them. (Perhaps I was destined to be a literature major!) The only flaw of me reading stories is that I never remember the name of the book or the author or even the names of the characters well. But I can definately tell the same story over and over again without missing the great parts. I know~~~
My dad is the one that helps develop my interest over literature (story). Still remember when audio books weren't that many or popular, I was like 3 0r 4. I had many cassettess that told stories. (Please excuse me for blahing away)

You know, that's the thing~
Not posting stuff on my blog makes me feel a bit anxious! That's what commitment is about. Before I opened this blog, I spent a few days considering in every way and asked myself question why I needed a blog in my life. And finally, I gave myself a simple reason: so I could get a place to whine~~Ha~No, actually, I was thinking about using it to practice my English. (Am I?)

Well, commitment... when you commit to something, it would become part of you, either part of your responsiblity or part of your life that needs your nourishment to make it alive.
That's why I always think carefully before commiting to something. Such as, signing a signature; when you sign one, it means you have to responsible for what you do and can't not change your original purpose of doing it!
Or like, attending a course you choose for youself. (I tried not to be too capricious on the attendance, but I skipped tonight!)

Anyway, I'm here typing away, instilling my life on this blog with a little spirit of me.
I got a new hair cut that I've been showing it off to people. But I don't know how to downsize the file of the photos and can't post them on the blog. Last Friday, they held a Holloween Party in the language center where I worked. Those clients and I were like crazy taking pitures around in different wierd poses. Everyone (not me) has a digital camera to practise their skills with. In different angles, settings and postures. Ugly but fun~

While other people are devoting their lives to the academic knowledge or the issues of Politic or Economics or even working hard to make money.
I am the one that wandering around with nothing productive at hand!
A dead woman walking alive!


Digging My Own Grave--- I Have a Confession to Make

I got involved in something that I shouldn't have. If I knew thing would turn out like this, I wouldn't have let the secret out!!!
It was all because of my curiosity. If I wasn't being so curious and digged the secret out with Vicky~~~
Now I feel sorry for Miss J.
From her story, I've assumed that she had finally seen through what she had been into and could start her new life again.
But the thing is that she hasn't quite seen through what happended and still stuck in it.
I think, the only solution to the question relies on Time for the answer!!
No one can really help her but herself!
I really hope she can get better soon.
And I'm really sorry for being too inquisitive~~


The Devil Wears Prada, Were We All Born with Materialistic Genes?

On Wednesday night, in my Chinese Teaching class, we heard something from our teacher mentioned about how 'Jelly' is banned in the list of Priests' food. Because when Jelly trembles, it gives away an implication image of women's buttocks.
Can anybody believe that? I do~
It tells that we, human beings, were born with desires. When our basic desire needs are fed. We search for something greater to fulfill the desires, some choose spirituality over materialism or vice versa.

Metrial satisfaction is a great tempting goal that many of us are reaching hard for.

Tonight, I went to the movie theater seeing, "The Devil Wears Prada."

I don't know why I always feel like to talk more whenever I saw a movie, but my guess is that, a movie is like a graphic book projecting the essense of what books are trying to tell. Although, we can appreciate beautiful sentences when reading a book, but by watching the movie, with the way the director leads the audience, we can pretty much be struck with the same feeling as when we read the books. (Okay, I know, how much it souds like I try to find myself an excuse for not reading books~)

I'll skip the summary of the movie here. But, overall, I was thinking the ending of the moive that how many women can walk away and give up a job that provides a million chances for a brighter future ahead in the fashion world like Andy Saches was in (The character in the movie)?

It is true that many of us take spiritual fulfillment as the primary center of life. Thinking that how we should make our souls smarter than others!
But the realistic part of the world is, without the glamorous looking and clothing, you would have been turned down already by many opportunities that might provide you with a better future.
People view your appearacne first then your brain! With a pretty look, you would have successfully made your first step to your dream in life.

I don't know how serious the materialitic values affects Western world? Because, westerners who are in Taiwan appeare to be a group of people that only care about enjoying their lives and fulfill them with music, art and recreation! More spritual-oriented than us Taiwanese.

In Taiwan, we are deeply influeced by the value of Materialism. I couldn't recall how many times, a bunch of us, older 20 somethings were talking about the values of those young 20 somethings and teens.

Our new generation is audacious in enjoying their lives with the expensive brand names on them. They haven't start making the livings yet to know how difficult and competivie the society is now in Taiwan. However, they have started using the money from their parents to beautify their lives and are not afraid of doing so. Sometimes, I couldn't deny that I was impressed by how well their senses of tastes were. They know how to dress up to their own styles, wear the perfect makeups that cover all the blemishes on the face, great at doing their own hair styles and very opinionated on the ways thier lives should be. I am talking about both male gender and female gender.They do know and care much about thier looks and understand the importance of one's appearance to the opportunity that society might have provided.

However, this overly emphasize on one's appearance has made our new generation neglect their absorbency in knowledge and forgot that the key to success requires more than one's look.
I am sure that tourists from other countries in Taiwan would be shocked by our young people wearing not only the brand names but many of them carry a brand name purse or handbag.
You would have no idea how scary it is to see LV, Cucci, Prada, CD flying around in not only in the fancy restaurants but the supermarkets and in schools.
Of course, many of them carry piracy ones. Sometimes, I would stop and wonder how many of them were really from rich families and how many of them were not.
(We do have many rich people in Taiwan, but most people are not~)

Perhaps to some people around me, they would consider me as the 'somehow' material girl. The thing is that who would want to look old, dress poorly at my age? I can't deny that I have a wardrobe to let out my secret desire, but I bought them with the money I earned not from my parents ~~~ Besides, I do care about feeding my head with food from time to time.

Another interesting issue that movie brought up is that: Is it neccessary to turn your back on someone for the success?
At some points, I think, YES~~~
Though the movie euphemized the ending with a friendly gesture, but I think, when people are on their ways to the better chances, there are times that you have to give up or sacrifice something, someone at some points.


Why do we desire something that is always hard to get?

I read an article from magazine today talked about how people's brains would produce 'Dopamine' when people craved for something they wanted. This chemical from brain would excite people to focus on hunting down their goals. Moreover, when some barriers occured keeping people from reaching their goals, brains would release more 'Dopamine' and which would enhance people's concentration on thier goal-huntings! This articale ended up with a conclusion explained why some women always craved for men that were already in relationships and vice versa, men were like that as well~

An object that is hard to get but makes people craving to death~~

I am thinking, could this craving for something or someone that is hard to get , merely be the curiosity of people?
The objects that arouse people's curiosity, but the feeling be mistakenly taken as the attraction?
So, for those who desire other people's BFs or GFs; could they only feel curious about other people's seem-to-be-good partners, but be attracted to?

It is quite possible because according to the ariticle, it mentioned that when the 'Desire' took place, brain would become irrational to keep people away from considering the realistic aspect. Since the chemical would make your brain superfocus on the things you are pursuing! It blinds the practical aspects of things that could be obvious to observe around you.

People get confused with their curiosity to the feeling of attraction that could produce something else such as lust and love.

I am haunted by this question my friend gave me. Still seeking an answer to it~~~ Not yet knowing a better way to put it down it words!

(Oh! Why do I always need more time to express myself in words?)


Chinese Teaching---Practice Two

I've been attending the Chinese Teaching extension course in school for 4 weeks now. So far, I'm still learning the Chinese Pinyin (Spelling). Don't know if our teacher will share more of her Chinese teaching experience?

Practice 2---What's your name?

**Fu Xi (Review)**

1. Wo (I/my/me)
2. Ni (You/your/your)
3. Ta (She/her/her--He/his/his)

**Sheng Zi (New Words)**

1. sheme (what)
2. mingzi (name)
3. jiaozuo (called)

**Ju Xing (Sentence Pattern)**

1. Ni jiaozuo sheme mingzi?----------What is your name?
Wo jiaozuo Ginger. ----------------------I am Ginger.

2. Ta jiaozuo sheme mingzi?-------- What is his/her name?
Ta jiaozuo Huizhen.-----------------Her name is Huizhen.

3. Wo jiaozuo sheme mingzi? ---------What is my name?
Ni jiaozuo Ginger. -------------------Your name is Ginger.


A "New" Ending to~~~~~

The Ocean Blue
Isla Ku, the Beautiful Blue
Where I long to be to refresh new
But it has a past that no one knew
The more I get to know it, the more, the truth to find not cute
Though it is waiting for the timing to reboot
Still the news makes me feel blue
Beautiful Blue, Beautiful Blue
May you always be one, which beauty stays in forever blue!
P.S. The reasons I took this post off were because I was still considering the ending line and some words in it. Also I wasn't so sure about the words "Isla Ku" and its meaning. I did this piece of work out of a sudden feeling. I did try to look it up in the dictionary though. I just couldn't put something down in words that I wasn't so sure about~~ :)
Maybe I was right about what I thought though~

Self-recognition, Self-Values and Personal Identity

As usual, I hung out with co-workers after work and came home late at night!
Also, like before, we were gossipping others, ourselves and events that happened in the company. And.....again, I felt that there was something I want to express but couldn't say before them.
Getting along with people requires a great technique concerning one's EQ and IQ! You have to decide what you can share and what you can't in order to keep the friendship going.
While we were sharing our studies, Jess made a comment that my major wasn't realistic and unpractical. It was probably true that using a literature major to make one's own living couldn't be much a help. But, I knew how it would enrich my spiritual life and how being a theoretical mind could help me to know myself more.
From our conversation, I realized that people, either men or women are all successively trying hard to find their own places, their own values.

Men were born as a more priviledge gender and have no identity problem for being males. Once the gender identification is clear, what they need is the recognition from the society.
Some search for their own identification and self-values through Politics and compete between themselves for a higher, more respectable status in the society.
Some others are seaching their through a different way.

Like Donny, my potential gay co-worker. I've known him for 4 years and never one day had doubt that he could be gay.
Being homosexual in Taiwan is not like one being in Western country. Especially, if you were born as a male gender that people expected you to be family-responsible for carrying on the family lineage. Even working in a open-minded place like we do, Donny has never admitted in any way around that he is gay. But from the time we shared, all evidence has pointed him with this very inclination.

He is now a graduate student in Tourism. He said, he'd like to do the research on 'The traveling patterns for those who are homosexual! and How they would consider their destinations when going on vacations?'

Also, he talked about how he always felt short when competed with others that were graduated from the universties abroad! (I feel the same way, too! It is all about working-ecology we have here in Taiwan. Taiwanese who graduated from the universities abroad have better chances to get higher hourly pay and they somehow despise people like us. Because we learn our English in Taiwan and have no experience study abroad)

Then, our conversation difted off to one of our coworker, who was from India, but he told our clients that he was from England. How pathetic!
Why couldn't he be honest to who he really was? He has dark skin and most of the time people here recognize him as a Black.
He wasn't the only case, I know. Like what I've mentioned before, there were some Taiwanese coworkers of mine who told people either they were from America or Canada.

Maybe our people who study English in the language center don't know much about western cultures, even though they were all so rich to have been to many countries in the world. But their myth about foreigner in Taiwan are still believing that they are all from the well-developed western countries. Someone like my Indian coworker could have be looked down if he told people he was from India. So, I couldn't judge too much about why he hid his identity.

There were many times when people asked me how I'd learned my English. They thought that my English was good and didn't have much accent compare to others.
When people asked me that, I would start struggling in my heart. I know well, they believe people couldn't have spoken good English if they didn't study abroad. But the thing was I never did. Still, I would tell them the truth that I never had studied abroad. When they got the answer, they would ,first, be surprised and asked me how I'd done that, then there was this paltry, tiny reaction coming out from their eyes that made me felt uncomfortable and very insecure. The thing is, I can't face myself if I denied myself with the part that I really am. I'm proud of how I am even though I never had the experience that people expected.

It is the same as Donny, he is working hard and studying hard in trying to prove to others that he is smart and capable of things as the way he is.

Everyone deserves to be happy and feels content of who s/he is!
Many people are trying hard to recognize themselves without realizing that!
To those who are self-conscious enough to their own identification, are still in the soul-searching quests for a never end.


Brain Dead

Being brain productive isn't something I've accomplished recently. My mind is always somewhere else when I'm teaching, talking to friends or people around me. What was I thinking about really? For example, I was thinking about what to post on my own blog? When I had a topic or thing that I would like to say in my mind, I started thinking how I should construct it into a piece of article, then many times the things just went nowhere because somehow, I decided the thing that I was thinking in my mind wasn't rich enough or boring to talk about. But it is my blog, you know~~~ Couldn't I just post things I want without worrying about others?
Then, it's that I tried read some books recently! But I just couldn't focus on the one I was reading and my mind would flow away from the lines I was reading from the books, it would lead to another string of thinking related to the lines or not even related~~~
Anyway, I feel that I am sort of stupid lately.
The only thing I've accomplished is filling up my wardrobe with the all kinds of items I purchased these days.
Cosmetics, clothing, accessories, more cosmetics, bags and shoes.......
I was literally becoming a shopaholic~~~~~Gee~~~ (But if I am, then maybe all women are shopaholics!)
It is really like an addiction. But it didn't make me feel any happier or fulfilled, I feel very empty and think I need more items for different purposes.

While women in some countries are still taken as men's properties or in some others, women couldn't even reveal their looks by convering up with veil.
Women in Taiwan are way luckier! We are treated with less sexual discrimination. Maybe some countrysides, some men still have conservatives concepts about women. But, generally speaking, women are treated fairly well as one gender. But something else has became a burden of being a woman.
How to always stay young and spicy women? Many women are so beautiful here~ Higher percentage of women are becoming more self-conscious and knowing they deserve things better by pampering themselves with all differents treatments. They keep their figure fit ~~~Doing SPA, working out~~~ Doing yoga. They all eager in learning the tips of fashion on how to dress up into different styles.
Walking on the streets in Taipei or Taichung. What you will see are lots of hot spicies with great stylish outfits and creative fashion senses.
Such an competitive environment has made women become their own competitors on the gender issue.
Often time, I just feel myself being bulky and ugly among them!
It is not like that I didn't do anything to make myself a better looking. It is just that being in such an competitive environment, you'd never able to top on someone else because the fact is that you're getting older day after day.
It becomes a vicious circle somehow that you're pursuing a goal without an end.
I'd better give myself some time to do or read something and try to be productive in mind!
Or else I would have to change the title of this blog into something else~


A Ghost that haunts me from getting to the future~~~

為什麼? 你總是在最不該出現的時候出現呢? 每當我期待著對未來的可能性時,你總是會在這時候出現來使我想起我那不堪的過去!
我為什麼要讓曾重重傷害我的人,來過問我的生活? 這不是太諷刺了嗎?
我只想把這過去拋的遠遠的,想著我可能的未來.期待著~~ 我未來的另一半會好好的疼惜我, 愛我~~~
How could I get to the future when the past is haunting me at the present?


Chinese Teaching ----Practice One

Sheng-Zi (New Words)

1. Wo (I)
2. Ni (You)
3. Ta (He/She)
4. Hao (Good/ Well/ Fine)

Ju-Xing (Sentense Pattern)

Ni hao ma? -----How are you?
Wo hen hao.----- I am fine.

Ta hao ma?----- How is he/ she?
Ta hen hao. -----S/he is fine.


Wo jue de hen gu-du~~~

You shi ho zhen de hen gu-du, ke-shi zhe zhong shi you bu ke-yi yi-zhi fang zai zui-bian shuo de.
Bu xiao de, lao-tian-ye shui xing le mei?
Zhi bu Zhi-dao wo hen gu-du ne?
Xiang bu xiang kai-shi bang wo qian yuan-fen le mei?
Wo jue de zi-ji de qing-chun yi-tian yi-tian de lao chu le, ke-shi zi-ji hai shi gu-ling-ling de yi ge.
Ai~~~~gai lai de ru guo zhen de hui lai, wei-she-mo hai bu gan-kuai lai ne?


Ginger's Ramblings

I read a news about 'Ho Wenyong' the other day. He is a famous writer in Taiwan and I used to read his works when I was a teenager.

Recently, there are series called, "The Hospital" brocasting on TV. It is the program adapted from Ho Wenyong's work. Before he became a famous writer, he was also an outstanding anesthestist in Taiwan National Univeristy Hospital, one of the biggest hospitals in Tawain. After working as both for many years, he had decided to quit his job as a doctor and dedicated in writing.

It was always his works about his wife or his philosophy of life that attracted me. He would talk about his life experience and his expression was always funny and humorous. His novels from recent years are very different from his early works. They are deep and somehow would bring you into the dark-side of human beings and that scares me! The more you know about the dark-side of human hearts, the more powerless you would feel over youself to the world you're living.

Well..the news was about his response to people who read his novel "The Hospital" and people who watch the TV series.

Ho Wenyong, in the interview, used a simile to explain that many people live their lives like going on vacations with tours. They follow some tour guides to some popular spots and look around for what people regarded as the hot sightseeing spots and out!
They follow in and out! None of their personal opinions or views are involved in their own lives.

Of course, you would probably think: "It isn't true. Some did make differences."
Yes, some did make changes by having thier own ideas to their lives, but when they were making those differences, didn't they maybe, somehow follow the rules under the system of the world?

If someone didn't follow the rules of system to make her/is change about her/is view to her/is life, then s/he would probably end up miserably as a outcast and couldn't survive through.

Therefore, here comes the ending to Ho Wenyong's own theory, though he encouraged reader to be their own viewers and judges to their lives. He still reminded everyone not to stand agaist the system and the social rules too much. (Isn't that paradoxical?)

The news about him relates me to another issue that alwasy makes me feel trapped in, which is, "Determinsm and Free Will." There isn't an accurate result or answer so far, to the question of whether the lives of human beings are determined or maybe we could really have our own free wills to decide our lives in the ways we want. It is because there are still 'morality' and 'social rules' that get involved in the Free Wills that we're making. Mmm......this is too much for me to think right now.

I like Ho Wenyong and after so many years, when I read the news about him. I couldn't believe that I still have this same admiration that I had for him long ago when I was a teenager.
Time goes by, I am now older and he definately has became more mature over time. I still have this consent over what he has made about philosophy of life.
(It surprised me a lot !) But I guess he has this wisdom and sensitivity in him that attracts me.

Not so many men are like this! And~~ I'm longing for one to be around!
This sort of trait in man gives me a sense of security somehow.

In the ancient time, when women were not allowed to receive education. Men who received education were considered Intellectuals and they had devided into two catogories.
One was called, "Wen-Ren" the other was called, "Wu-Jian."
'Wen-Ren" means those who were artisitic, poetic, and able to write politically or artisitically.
On the contrary, "Wu-Jian" represented those who were either smart or not, but definately able to fight well in the battlefield.

And I would like to have the first kind than the second one.
Maybe it is because that's how I wish myself to live spiritually and therefore, I want one to tango with.


Who are We Inside Our hearts?

From Strangers to Ourselves----by Julia Kristeva

Strangely, the foreigner lives within us: he is the hidden face of our identity, the space that wrecks our abode, the time in which understanding and affinity founder. By recognizing him within ourselves, we are spared detesting him in himself. A symptom that precisely turns "we" into a problem, perhaps makes it impossible. The foreigner comes in when the consciousness of my difference arises, and he disappears when we all acknowledge ourselves as goreigners, unamenable to bonds and communities.


A Secretive Image--Men with Facial Hair

Today I was teaching and suddenly I had a very strange idea and started wondering why men wanted to grow facial hair? What kind of men would grow facial hair on them?????

It was because I had a student who looked so young, had a goaty and married. I've met him a few times in my class and he had this look that left me wondered why men were trying to hide behind their facial hair features?

Actually, I know a few men who have goatee or beard on them. In our culture, men don't ususally grow them. One is because, maybe they don't have that much to grow it into a style, another reason is because Taiwanese women like men better without it. Most of my female friends thought Men look dirty on them. (Okay, when somebody makes a statement like this, you would know this one is an exception!)

Mmmm.......I can't deny that whenever there is a group of men in front of me, the one who gets my attention would be the one that has facial hair on him. Either with a goatee or a beard. I don't know why, but it always seems to arouse my curiosity and would like to get closer to reveal the real him.

One of my coworker, a Japanese, he has a thin goaty on his face. I think, he has a very stylish look, very Japansese. Thick, straight eyebrows with his fierce eyes and his thin goatee. When he stares at you, it makes you feel like you are stared by a Husky. Scary~~ But, in fact, he is a very nice and thoughtful coworker and funny, too.

There is another one, also a student of mine, a middle-aged artist. He paints traditional Chinese paintings, oil paitings and makes bronze sculture. One time in class, I asked him what he liked about himself. He said: "I liked my art and my goatee." He likes to talk about "Zen" and his artwork, a very artistic man, also very nice, senstive too. Recently, he has an exhibition and invites me to go.

I once had a friend. (We fell apart now!) He is a baldy who grows a goatee. A very smart guy who always seems to read through people's mind. He knows people and has this nice and friendly image, but he is not as nice as he seems to be.
The more I got to know him, the more I found out his insincere and ambiguous attitude toward others. Of course, he treated me the same way, that was why we fell apart because I coulnd't stand my friend treat me like that.

Well... I know another man with a beard, but I don't know much about him yet! So there isn't much I can tell now~~

Anyway here are the conclusions from my observation of men who grow facial hair-------

a. They have baby faces and try to cover that with a manly feature.

b. They are potential baldy or baldy already who grow facial hair to distract people's attention.

c. They have aggressive mind, but were born with tender looks, so, try to use stylish goatee or beard to enhance their characteristics.

d. They are manipulating and cunning and try to hide that part of them under their disguise.

e. They are too nice and tender, thus growing facial hair to make people believe they are manly enough!

These are my personal views! Of course, I've made those statements not only according to the observation I made from my friends, but also from others I don't know!

One common feature on men who grow facial hair is, they have big and beautiful smiles. (Well...maybe not everybody, but at least the men I know are like that)


One Morning in the Autumn

Moon River
Andy Williams
Moon river, wider than a mile
I'm crossing you in style some day
Oh, dream maker, you heart breaker
Wherever you're going, I'm going your way
Two drifters, off to see the world
There's such a lot of world to see
We're after the same rainbow's end,
waiting around the bend
My huckleberry friend, moon river, and me
(moon river, wider than a mile)
(I’m crossin’ you in style some day)
Oh, dream maker, you heart breaker
Wherever you're going, I'm going your way
Two drifters, off to see the world
There’s such a lot of world to see
We're after that same rainbow's end,
waiting around the bend
My huckleberry friend, moon river, and me
(moon river, moon river)

I miss the time......on......

The weather in Taiwan is getting cooler and cooler. It is officially in Fall right now. The temperature in the day time is still as high as in the summer time. Only when the sun goes down, will people feel the cool breeze.
Though, I love the days with sunshine, the summer time in Taiwan is so hot that burns sometimes. The life style here only stress people up and it's hard to slow people down to relax.

I miss the ocean so much. Blue sky, blue water..... Still remember me lying on the Hanauma Bay tossing around with my bikini.Mmmmm.........
Fall, a season that reminds people of Departure! (Is it a Eastern thing or an universal thing?)

Tonight, we hugged and said goodbye to Karen, the front desk receptionist.
She was the second one that left us this month! It will be a long long story to tell why people leave the place I work.
I've worked in this English Learning Center for nearly 4 years. I've seen people come and go many times, People that I got along with, people that I didn't get along with. There were people who left with happy endings, we held fareware parties for them. At the same time, there were some that left without being cared or saying goodbyes.

The same question has haunted me over and over again. What will it be, if I leave one day? Will I be missed? Will they feel sad when I leave?
I'm moving my territory out of this learning center by taking some part time job at another learning center. It is a must! I need to put my eggs in different nest to secure my living. (Something is going wrong with the place I work now!)

Well...it is very late now. I'm thinking too much again.
Maybe it is the cool weather that.............


Life without being a Colony. Still, Recognition is no Where to be Seen.

I always believe that reading is powerful because it helps stimulate your thinking into a different aspect.
After reading "Life in Colonies, and the Lies of Facts and the Truths of Fiction" by Minagahet. I couldn't help but think about the situation in Taiwan, and the Identity Problem here that would, somehow, never have an outlet to any solution.
There is an protest going on in Taipei since Sep.9th,2006. A group of people can't stand the scandal that our President and his family are involved and eagerly to urge him to step down from his position. Ostensibly, it is a justice that needs to be fought for. I mean, who could put up with a corrupted President? I do believe, some of the protestants are there simply because they dislike the corrupted President. However, the most likely inclination for those protestants to be there is because of one reason. Which is, to prove their representative status in Politics.
(I have to explain the political situation first, of course. The are two major forces in Taiwan. Green Party and Blue Party. Now, Taiwan is govern by the Green Party. The Blue one is like Republic Party in States and the Green one is like Demoractic. For the similairity, I refer to the consistent of people. The politicians from Blue Party are from somewhat rich or prestigious families, on the other hand, many Politicians from Green Party are either from labor families or gangsters groups)
Taiwan is an island that was once colonized by Holland and Japan for a long time. The colonial time of Holland in Taiwan was long long time ago. One hundred or 2 hundreds years ago. Too long ago to remember!
But 50 years ago, Taiwan was still governed by Japan. People over 65 years olds had experienced that time. (Like both of my grandparents spoke Japanese and received Japanese Education) Many of elders who are still alive, missed the time then. They said, although, Japanese deprived our language by forcing us to speak Japanese and had Japanese names, at least, people at that time were well-behaved and crime rate was much lower compare with now. ( 2 of my aunts and my dad have Japanese names)

Taiwan was soon, taken over by the mainlanders (people) from China after Japanese's govern. There was a civil war in China and the leader of the Blue Party was defeated by communist and so, he led soilders and their families, moved to Taiwan and would like to use Taiwan as a base, in hope of one day to regain his power in China. So, baiscally Taiwan was govern by Blue Party (the only party in Politcs ) at that time for many many years. This group of people try to invade their mythological-kind of idea to people in Taiwan and created a beautiful image that ,one day, we would overthrow China's power and take China back into our hand.

This big group of people came to Taiwan and taken over the political authority and forbidden the local people that were living here for a long time to speak Taiwanese (there were immigrants from the coast of China hundreds of years ago and aboriginal people that were living in the mountains.) Moreover, there was a historical event called 228, it was a terrorism from the Blue Party, in which, they had killed many intellectuals, artists, doctors. The government accused them for something that didn't exist and killed them.
Green Party was arised later to stand in a position of making Taiwan an independent country and aroused people's counsciousness to thier identities.
Green Party took a long time to make people in Taiwan realized that, we never belong to China and we are always indepedent somehow, and thus we need our name to be heard as a country but a province of China.

So, what has this part of history to do with the protest that is ongoing in Taipei right now?

For many famous faces on TV who speak for the protestants, either the politicians, lawmakers etc. They are all from the Blue Party. Many of them are either the offspring of the old Blue politicians or the offspring of the mainlanders. (Of course, it is obvious that Blue Party hates Green Party gut for their authority right now!) Those politicians or famous faces on TV in protest are all about middle-aged and they were deeply rooted with the idea of thinking to unite with China and build a good relationship with China.
So.the contest between mainlanders and locals are still ongoing somehow there in the protest.

Well..... I am off my topic again~
The youngsters in Taiwan don't see themsevles either the offspring of the mainlanders or locals. They don't care about that so much, we (young people) see ourselves as Taiwanese. But our identities are in crisis without being realized.
First, the politics is nver off the issue of the conflict bewteen the two national groups. (Locals v.s Mainlanders). It creates a very blur image to help young people to build thier identities as Taiwanese. Young people want to live peacefully without the tags of mainlanders or locals in Taiwan. But, remember, the parents of the young people are already middle-aged, their parents were raised with the deep-rooted identities of who they were. The domestic education of young people, unconsciously influence them without them knowing it.

This is why I don't like to talk about politics with my friends, all of my best friends are from the mainlander family and I am not. Not only my best friends, but also some of my coworkers and clients. They sometimes, uncousciously talked about Politics openly and the opinions of them, sometimes, accidentally
shaken my idea of who I am.

Who am I then? What political position do I take?

I am neither Green nor Blue. (Maybe, more Green color than Blue)
I am proud of being a Taiwanese and able to speak three language that are mainly spoken here in Taiwan.
I believe Taiwan is well-developed enough to be an indepedent country.
I would never want to unite or get close to China.
I don't like many Blue party politicians who think they have better lineage (like that they are pure blood and others are muggles) and smarter of knowing what's the best for Taiwan. As now, many of them are eargerly to get close to China and try to make peace with them.

Okay, then what's the second point of the crisis that we're facing.
The political chaotic status has made Taiwan a place that no other countries dare to make friends with.
We are smart and know how to do business around the world. We are powerful in produce many things that no other country can compete with. But besides the money and the fame we have in doing business. We are not taken seriously outside Taiwan.
I didn't realize this much until the trip to Hawaii. I had a good memory there, only 2 events that I would never forget.
I was at DFS with my friend, Arial. We were stopped by the doorman at the entrance. The conversation was as below----
"Are you with the tour group?" "No!"
"Are you Japanese? " "No!"
Then, he gave us the pass that were only allowed to shop at the first and the second floor. I was with a shitty face and ended up without buying anything at that mall.

Another event happened at one day, we were having breakfast in the hotel with all other participants in the ball room. We sat at a table with 2 men, one from New York, the other from China. The guy from New York tried to make a conversation with us. When the China guy knew us were from Taiwan. He kept interrupted the conversation bewtween New Yorker and we by saying who he knew from our school and things that he knew about Taiwan. It was like he had the right to represent of who we were! (I was murmuring some foul words in my heart)

What's more than the treatment Taiwanese receive abroad is that------
There are many times, I feel so sorry for some youngsters in Taiwan because they are too lucky to be protected under the wings of their parents. People who are rich getting richier and people who are poor getting poorer.
The kids from the rich families only know about money and the good quality of life they have. Many of them received education abroad and come home telling people they are Canadian, British or American.
I've met some of my coworkers who studies abroad a long time, come back to Taiwan teaching English and proclaim to be Aussie or Canadian.
They feel ashamed of being Taiwanese!!! Can anybody believe this?
The rest of the young people who remain in Taiwan for thier lives are suffering in the environment which political state is always swinging between the two sides.

What is the identity of poeple in Taiwan?
Without being colonized, the recognition is still no where to be seen. Or perhaps we are lost in this massive blur of cultural, historical background that we had?

I still remembered what the teacher said in the colonial study I took 2 years ago. He said, " Every Taiwanese should share a consent to recognize her/is root here, but search and build their identities individually!"


My Baby~ My Precious~

Women's Freedom of Choice in Marge Piercy's Three Women

Graduate: Ginger, Huei-Chen Yang
Advisor: Dr. Patricia Haseltine

This is the hardcover edition of my thesis. But the downsized file has made the picture looked blur and unclear.

During the meal on Sunday with my advisor, one teacher and Arial, teachers had brought up the subject again suggesting that I should break down the thesis to try for some journals for publishing.

I am thinking about extending the Chapter Three in my thesis which is entitled: "Non-Determined Potentials---Mother/ Daughter Relationship"

Why is Mother/ Daughter relationship important and essential in Feminism? What has Women's Freedom of Choice to do with Mother/Daughter relationship?

Here is the some part from Chapter 3-----

As feminists attempt to strengthen the values of females and clarify the existence of women, there is one more sphere that needs our attention, which is the mother and daughter relationship. This intimate communion between women is ineluctably, absolutely a necessity in the discussion because mother is the first person who not only nourishes a baby into life, but also the first person a baby knows. Mother is the imitated object for a baby girl to know herself from. According to female essentialist’s belief, women’s physical features are biologically determined and so it is to believe that women will share the same experience as the same sex. Mothers and daughters possess the same sex, so if daughters learn to know themselves as females from their mothers, it would be a logical assumption to think there is a possibility for daughters to duplicate their experiences from their mothers. Since mothers are the providers of the preschool education, mothers and daughter’s involvements are especially significant because they are the same gender that bestows the notion in the society of carrying on the duty of prolonging the lives of human beings. This consented and undeniable entanglement becomes the crucial point to show how influential the roles of the mothers are to women.
Judith Butler thinks that the heterosexual foundation of gender is a confinement that would forever constrain women to their reproductive abilities. It is a relevant deterrence to tumble women’s paths toward subjectivity. Also she states that femininity should only be a performative contour which could be able to be re-interpreted through genealogical process. As Alison Stone
[1] interprets it, “Within a single generation, each woman’s reinterpretation of femininity will overlap in content, to varying degrees, with other women are engaged in reworking the same set(s) of pre-existing meanings” (150). Butler’s second proposition is probably more easily accepted, since it is a good strategy that women reinterpret and re-construct their sense of values, instill new meanings in the present generation and pass them onto the next generation. Mother and daughter’s bond is the important link in the cycle of the genealogical chronology of femininity, and there is no way that this connection could be constructed without heterosexuality, since this is the only sexual-orientation option to produce babies.
Some other feminists believe and think that women’s reproductive abilities are the threat to society. “The mother is at once a guarantee of the social order and a threat to its stability” (Smith 30). It makes a great sense that without women’s reproductive efforts, the society will degenerate and with women to continue the job, women’s fertility would stabilize the continuance of the specie. Mother and daughter’s connection is the link to consolidate the view.
The mother and daughter relation constitutes a potential threat to the patriarchal symbolic order. This relation is the basis for the creation of a symbolic system which Irigaray would suggest subverts the masculine equation of subjectivity with rationality, and acknowledges the bodily roots of subjectivity. (Assiter 44)
Paradoxically, it seems once again women are pushed back to the heterosexual and patriarchal scheme. However, if we put patriarchy aside and consider the mother and daughter bond as the foundation rock for the society, plus the view from Butler that women could re-define femininity through generations passing through; in other words, women do not need men to prove their subjectivities because women provide each other’s self-values.
From the introduction in the first chapter, I mention that Piercy’s connection with her mother and grandmother is the reason why she adopts Jewish identity. Her maternal lineage with her mother and grandmother is so strong that it influences her life profoundly. The “Maternal principle” is considered one major writing attitude of hers and is regarded as a positive force in her credo. The poem, “My Mother’s Body,” I quote above in the opening is the best explanation for Piercy’s central thinking and the major idea presented in Three Women. As the poem tries to say, mothers are our mirrors; we see our reflections through the mirrors. We share identical physical parts with our mothers, but we do not always share the same interests or beliefs. We create each other through the symbiosis with our mothers and also vary from with each other. Marge Piercy’s relationship with her mother was not always happy, but the symbiotic relationship was always strong and tight. The patriarchal background of Piercy is seldom mentioned and is also ignored in the novel Three Women.
The conclusion from above argumentation is that the connection between mothers and daughters and their relational interactions should be magnified in the views of women’s perceptions, only through this way could it ensure the emancipation of females’ in the future genealogical line.
In Chapter Three, I attempt to use Julia Kristeva and Luce Irigaray’s view on “Maternal function” and “Mother/ Daughter relationship” to ground my statements of anti-deterministic factors on female psychological development, also to leave women open possibilities for diverse choices and to oppose the scientific-based psychoanalysts. Freud and Nancy Chodorow’s views on presuming that father the key factor to help complete the transformation of female development.

Judith Butler's idea on 'Genealogy' explains that each new female generation has their chances to modify and change the femininity they have inherited or learned from the previous generation. Each family has its chronology of women and each generation has its femininity concept according to its contemporary cultural, historical background. Therefore, if a woman from one family in one generation made some idea changes on femininity, her thinking may affect the future one in her family line and also some other contemporary women to their future ones.

Although, Butler's idea is a very good method to make women's freedom possible. The only condition is that the changes made by one woman in certain generation needs to be something that provides a broader view on genders to ensure the wider road ahead.

Kristeva's idea on 'Abjection' says:Women need to recognize their mothers' soma and psyche separately to gain their subjectivity. To abject from their mothers' bodies is only a physical symbol to gain one's subjectivity.

Luce Irigaray believes that when people are psychological trapped, they need to go back to the original emotional source for help to solve their problems. The original emotional source refers to 'Mother'

So, what have these three feminists mentioned could have helped me with my idea? Mmm..........................

1. Women's psychological developments depend only on their mother's helps.

2. Is it possible that their relationships with their mothers could go wrong, but the mistake could be amended through their own efforts toward their future ones.

3. Every woman needs to recognize her mother's physical and mental parts. The maternal function and the role of being a woman is definately different that if a woman could not see her mother through these two aspects, she may suffer and get confused about her own feminine identification and could never really gain her own subjectivity.

4. If every woman could agree with what has written above, then the future path of women's emancipation depends only on women's endeavors to widen the conception of female gender.

Mm........Is that right?

Well....... ???

Women's freedom takes only women's helps but men and Mother/Daughter relationship is the unit that provides the sources for the changes of women's future.


I have been telling friends, coworkers and clients about my dreams. Sometimes I will talk to my clients about their dreams in class and try to figure out if they also have colorful dreams like I do.

Many of my friends, have heard me talking about my dreams, but perhaps not the same one because I always have vivid and weird dreams.

This year is the year of Dog. I have been having dogs in my dreams.
Big Labs, puppy labs. Golden Retrievers and even puppies of Old English Shepherd. Those dogs in my dreams were all so friendly and nice. (I think, it is because I really like dogs)

Although, I have dream of many kinds of animals, but long time ago, I only had 'snakes' in my dreams.

There were snakes for different sizes and colors. I am surprised myself to still remember those snake dreams so clearly up until now.

One time, I had this enormous white snake in my dream, it was so big that I could only see its gigantic head. It was dying somehow.

The other time, I dreamt walking in a small alley. There were sparkling, rainbow color snakes zig-zag through and across from nowhere and they scared me to death. I walked down the alley with terror and was afraid to be bitten.

The most scary of the snake dream was----- I was walking down to a swimming pool and was already half in the water, then I saw a red-eye, green snake swam quickly toward me. It jumped onto my right arm and circled my arm with its tail and bit me to bleed. I could even feel the intensive pain in dream and I cired out and woke up.

Yes...yes... I kow that from Freudian interpretation about dreams. Snake represents Phallus symbol. Ever since, my coworker tole me about that with the mock, I stopped having snakes in my dream.

Recently, I dreamt about the resentful animal, rats. There were a bunch of them running off a house in a hurry. They also were white with red eyes.

My favorite animal in dreams were 'horses'
I had two dreams about horse.
One was a dream with many mini black horses stood in circle. Very cute one with furry hair.

My beloved one was a big, smart handsome whie horse. I was on its back walking on a path. Actually we were sort of flying because the road was in the sky. The horse was trying to cross to another path next and I was afraid to fall off its back. When it succeed crossed onto another path, I was so happy and pat him on his head saying: "You're so smart!"
When we got to where we were going, I jumped out of its back, not from the sides but from its behind. Weird, huh.........

Talking about weird one, this one was weird.
I swam in the ocean, enjoying the blue color so much with sun shone up upon me. Then I saw a palm tree floating with the flow and an animal sank under water beside the tree. I dived in and....... it was an elephant.
Yes.... I saw an elephant in the ocean. I thought it was a whale. No.....an elephant~~`

Why did I bring up my dream again?

Well..... I had this same dreams 3 times. I mean, so far there were 3 of them.
Not exactly the same, it was more like episode to episode. It progressed a bit every time.
I never had this kind of dream before. It is a sensation with uneasiness~~~
I am not ready to tell it yet.


Building a Friendship across Cultures

Tonight, I came across an article in a magazine talking about how to make friends across cultures. But mainly, it talks about how to make friends with westerners. (It is an English Teaching Magazine and of course, the main purpose of it is helping people to understand English both on the language and the culture) I thought it would be a good material to talk about in class and the reason why I choose the topic is that for Taiwanese, we always have this "Myth" and are fascinated by westeners somehow, some ways. Perhaps it is due to the distance and the gap between cultures or perhaps it has something to do with this imprint characteristic for once been colonized people like us who long for the authority from sovereign. Taiwan, though is independent and has its politics working in democractic system, somehow we never able to get away from colonized trait. Unlike Japan who is a very powerful country with immigrants all over the world. Japanese share the same stutus as other western countries, it is needless to mention about China.
But Taiwan.....we are somehow, always struggling between being indepedent and sometimes clinging onto western countries for protection. (Our fascination toward western foreigners may come from our struggling)
Taiwanese people are very friendly to western foreigners, but our conception and ideas for foreigners are sometimes quite limited. For people always assume foreigners are people either from America, Canada or England.
Working in an adult English Learning Center with more than 50% of foreign coworkers has gaveme more knowledge and experience regarding the ecology of foreigners in Taiwan.
To talk about it in details would definately be an epic. To cut it in short is:
1. Whatever their reasons in Taiwan, there are nice foreigners and bad foreigners.
2. There are indeed culture differences regarding living habits, values and men/ women relationship.
3. I only have a few foreign friends, though my clients think that I have plenty of experience.
4. Sometimes I feel hurt and irritated by Taiwanese cowokers or clients. Because of their different attitutes and treatments.
5. Overall, I still have an open mind to make friend with foreigners, but my option are left to those with reciprocal respects to people cultures and to those who care what you think and really listen to you without the colors of the skin


Time Management

24 hours a day is long enough for a day, but 7 days a week is a bit short for someone like me who always wish to have some time for herself. Compare to the life in Taipei, life is Taichung is much slower in many ways. But I think, the reason why I feel short of time has nothing to do with the places. It is my life style and my work that make me feel this way.
Summer is always the busiest time of the year for me for the past few years. Because students are in their summer vacation, so they would have more free time going to cram schools to improve their English. (There are many cram schools in Taiwan for all sorts of purposes)
Before I got into the graduate program, I spent about a year preparing for it and was already in the business of English teaching. But for the last three years, I was a student and couldn't get more part time jobs, the only time for me to make more money was the summer time. So, basically I had made my life fully for the past three years. Didn't waste much time!
Now I graduated and still is in the summer, I work extra hard to fill my life up.
And the thing is when you are busy working, you would somehow get busy as well at socializing with friends and get invitations from friends that you don't hear or try to avoid for some time. I spend my week days working from around 2 to 9:10 in the evening. (English teaching is always in the evening, for people to study English after schools or works)
On the weekends, I would go out for differnt reasons. And before Monday, I would regret for not saving some time for myself to do things that I want.

I need time to read some more. There are books lying around for a long time.
I need time to pamper myself with the some beauty treatment.
To lie in my bed and feel lazy and enjoy the loneliness.
I think, I need to figure a way to use my time more efficiently.


Higher Expense with Lower Income

Living here in Taiwan is getting harder and harder each year. With incredibly high college entrance rate up to 90% this year. It is firmer to believe that having a Master Degree isn't a guarantee to a better future. It cose more and more to live a standard life, but when the prices go up and up, the only thing that never raise is the salary. The average salaray that a univesity-graduated person gets now is the same as the one got 10 years ago.
The depression of the economy of the society is so great that developes the unbelivable social phenomena. People pamper themselves more for the pressure from works and which cause them to put up more debt and push some of them to kill themselves along with their kids or even the whole family. (it's happening every day somewhere in Taiwan) The rich people are getting richier and the poor people are getting poorer.
The birth rate goes lower and lower each year. Because young people can't afford the children and somewhat reluctant to share their lives with babies to drag down their living qualities. Only the foreign brides from Indonesia, China and Vietnam are helping with the baby-producing, however, due to the language and culture differences, the education for these young offspring are suffering from some difficulties fitting into schools.
Taiwanese women don't wan to put themselves in the positions of sacrificing roles in the families and demand more to keep up with fashion or career instead of keeping their hearts on their children.
The politics in Taiwan now is chaotic that people are raising money to urge President in Taiwan to step down from his sovereignty because his wife and son in law are in money scandals. There will sure to be a political commotion soon if the President did step down from his position. (Perhaps this is the reason why the US military increases his force on Guam and Okinawa or even Korea)
Who knows what's gonna happen if the President was overthrowed by the people? Will China take us over? They've always wanted to do that? Though many of us think that they would take us over by frustrating our ecomony, however, the situation now in Taiwan doesn't seem to need their effort of any kind but watching us corrupting. Anyway, it is sure that US government would never allow that to happen because Taiwan is like a partition between China and America.
Well.....what is my point here?????
I'm not trying to being political here, I am not a professional. Or to complain, either.
I am just thinking over the many questions that my friends and I talked about.
I've mentioned here on my blog that eversince I finished my thesis, people talked to me about my future career plan.
I think, that is something I need to face sooner or later. (I think I only have a few months to think it over, to change or not to change)
I do enjoy myself right now. I think, I've been working my ass out these past weeks. I need to teach 5-6 hours a day with full strength speaking non-stop, talking my throat out and tell you what, that's not easy. It is more tiring than people who work 8 hours in the office sitting at the computers.
But the good part is that I don't have a set-schedule and I don't have to get up so early, also that I get chances to talk and meet differnt people. It is fun somehow, to talk and chat with people about different topics.
I've been in this job for too long, I feel too secure to change. And afraid of changing or being too lazy to change is a fatally flaw for people in Taiwan.
This is a quick-change world here in Taiwan, if you thought slower and changed slower, you would definately ...........
The catch 22 situation here is that I can't bear to bury my head in the ground, pretending that my life is easy and feel content about my career and continue enjoying myself in the world of books and readings I enjoy so much. Nor could really bring myself up to face the difficulty I might have for the future.