2006-07-28

There are times......

There are times that I feel like to talk about my family. Because they are one of the reason why I always wish to live some ways beyond their expectations.
When I say "my family," it doesn't mean only my parents and younger brother.
It concludes all the extended family from my mother's side. She has four older sisters and a younger brother. My uncle sort of represents the whole family.
It is good to have such a strong family sometimes, but sometimes it's stressful as hell. Because no one would allow you to have a room of your own.
Ah~~ long story.
It makes me feel special sometimes because seldom people would have such a strong family that always invite you over for dinners. Going out with cousins shopping or dinners, which I seldom have to pay. Because my mom is the younger one. I have older cousins before me to pay for me. Traditionally, your elders or older brothers & sisters would pay for you as a manner.
Or I would have my aunts and uncle to worry me when there are typhoons. I live alone by myself in Taichung. (Taichung is my mom's hometown, my family lives in Taipei) They would pick me up to their places for meals, in case I might starve to death. Such and such.......... I sometimes do think that I am a lucky person to have others care for me.
But.......the downside to this strong bond is that this strong family have a very set concept about how ' a female' should be.
Ever since I was a little girl, I was someone out of my mom's expectation.
I always talked back with my own opinion and never dressed up to the way my mother like.
What could I say? Different tastes?
Anyway, I never agreed with what my mother thinks a woman should be.
When you can't agree with your mother, perhaps for other women, the issue is simple. But to me, when I can't agree with my mother, it is like I can't agree with the whole family, her family.

On the previous post, I talked about the 'work' plan they have for me. Their ideas are like I couldn't decide what I should do because I am a woman. And I should have others to think about because one day I would become someone's wife and someone's mother.(The thing is that I am still single, should I plan something that I have no control over? ) My part-time work right now can't mean anything to them because it is not a full-time job with a set monthly pay. But what they don't understand is my part time job with the hourly pay could earn more than someone with the full-time job with monthly pay. Ah~~~~~another story.

This sweet burden leads me to write my thesis into one that tries to analyse women and their relationships with their mothers.
How women should live more and fully beyond the name of "women" with diverse choices? How women should gain their freedom of choice by identifying with their mothers through the feminine genealogy and instill their new provocative elements into it?

I am reading a book called, " The Abyss of Freedom."
I am trying, I don't know how far I could go on.
When I was constructing my master thesis, I was doing research on Determinism and Free Will. Which is the theory that talks about wheather freedom exists when we are living in social norms with morality?
For me, that is something difficult to understand. But I managed to read some, before my advisor pointed out that the entity of my concept is about 'women' and I shouldn't explore my views through the male philosophers.
Well.....I am still curious about how those philsophers think about "freedom"
If I could know more about what 'freedom' is, then perhaps I can apply that on women.

1 則留言:

Charles 提到...

I've always seen you as an anomally in Taiwan. You're personality is so non-Chinese, yet deep down you are as Chinese as anyone.